The Very VERY Stale Bread: The Virtupets Saga

     Headline: Altador Cup Committee Reveals Unpopular Moneymaking Scheme

     Body: ALTADOR | The Altador Cup Committee announced it will be releasing a line of Altador Cup-themed VPTs to bring interest and funding into the Altador Cup. VPTs, or Virtupets Tokens, are a controversial new form of pseudo-currency introduced by the infamous Dr Sloth.

     Over the past 16 years, millions of Neopets have come to Altador to spectate and participate in the Altador Cup, both in-game and through merchandise,' a press release provided by the Altador Cup Committee read, 'Extending to VPTs will give those Neopets, as well as VPT collectors the chance to experience and own a part of the history of the Altador Cup.'

     We have partnered with Virtupets to produce these VPTs, and will consist of randomly generated pictures of classic moments in the Altador Cup's history.

     However, many players of the Altador Cup have expressed their displeasure in the Altador Cup Committee's move. 'This is absolutely outrageous!' said Team Kreludor captain Derlyn Fonnet, 'VPTs directly contribute to the reinvasion campaign of Dr Sloth, and it's not even a secret!

      Kreludor has suffered more than most at the hands of Dr Sloth, and it is frankly short-sighted and insensitive. I have two very distressed Grundos on my team threatening to boycott the entire event because of it, and honestly, I'm thinking of joining them.'

     This sentiment was echoed by Team Virtupets itself. 'Does the Altador Cup Committee even know what horrors I went through after Dr Sloth enslaved me and my entire family?!' Virtupets Right Defender Weldar Xupenfarb said, 'This is utterly offensive. Words cannot even begin to describe how angry I am. See: Look at my face, I'm so angry!!!

     Many Altador Cup fans have also expressed their displeasure in the Committee's decision. 'The Altador Cup has become less about the sport, less about creating a good experience for their core fans.' Techo Superfan said, 'Rather than focusing on fixing the many, many problems that plague the cup each and every year, they're just trying to milk the cup for every cent it's worth.

      Adding to the chicanery, the Altador Cup Committee has been seen advocating collaboration with Saucy Splykes, a questionable VPT depicting pictures of Splykes covered in the sauce which fans say should not be associated with the Altador Cup due it being questionable.

     This controversy comes on the heels of the alleged bribery scandal revealed by King Hagan and Queen Fyora. When asked for a comment on the VPT controversy, a spokesperson for the Altador Cup Committee directed The Very VERY Stale Bread and other reporters gathered outside the Committee building to a FAQ they just posted on the door that didn't really answer anything, then slammed the door in our faces.

     ----

     6th day of Collecting, Y23

     Headline: Altador Cup Committee VPT Scheme Under Fire After Virtupets Board Comments Leaked

     Body: ALTADOR | The Altador Cup Committee is once again in hot water over its most recent decision to sell Altador Cup Virtupets Tokens (VPTs), after it was revealed a higher up in the Virtupets company made disparaging remarks about the Altador Cup's Grundo players in a board meeting earlier this week.

     The remarks, which are too unsavoury to repeat here, caused widespread outrage across Neopia, and many are questioning whether the economic benefits are worth the PR fallout.

     'I'm purely a numbers Krawk, yer see, so at first I thought it would be good for the Altadorian economy,' Krawk Island's Governor McGill told The Very VERY Stale Bread, 'Considerin' the sanctions imposed on Altador by Faerieland and the Medieval Kingdoms [Brightvale and Darigan Citadel]— I know Altador has sent out Siyana and Psellia to try to smooth things over in the respective areas — So I thought it was understandable that they would be trying to revitalise their economy, ye know?'

     'I think if I were tryin' to recoup losses, maybe I'd do the same… Though upon hearin' those comments made by that Virtupets Board Member, I tell yer, if I were King Altador, I'd be reconsiderin' my affiliation with Virtupets Inc.'

     While the Altadorian Council has remained largely silent on this issue, the Altador Cup Committee held a press conference to address the issue.

     'Look, we don't have any control over what Virtupets does. We're sorry if you got offended, but it's not our fault if you're offended,' the Altador Cup Committee said, 'We've expressed our position with this latest issue with Virtupets, and we can assure you, the board member who made these comments, Professor Knarf Htols, has been dismissed from working on this project.

     'We are pleased to announce that instead Ms Francis McSlothen, who we're told comes from someplace far away and has no history with Grundos whatsoever, will be taking his place on the board.'

     The Very VERY Stale Bread has obtained pictures of the disgraced former board member, and his replacement, and we are suspicious that this is the same person in an elaborate disguise.

     Left: Prof Knarf Htols. Right: Ms Francis McSlothen.

     

     ---

     12th day of Collecting, Y23

     Headline: More Trouble For Altador Cup Committee After Nefarious Virtupets Scheme Uncovered

     Body: ALTADOR | The Altador Cup Committee has been rocked by a series of scandals over the weekend. The Very VERY Stale Bread has been unable to keep up with the rapid developments of the weekend past, but we will endeavour to cover it as best we can.

     The first major controversy came in a leaked Virtupets Inc. whitepaper outlining a detailed yet vague plan for a digital 'Virtupets Cup' that will run parallel to the Altador Cup, which will integrate VPTs into the ludic component and will focus on a 'play-to-earn' economy.

     The leaked paper prompted a boycott of the exhibition Yooyuball matches which were due to be held across Neopia this weekend, after four teams—Faerieland, Brightvale, Darigan Citadel, Kreludor—announced their withdrawal from the matches in protest. Team Virtupets did not join in the boycott; however, their match was forfeited after Right Defender Weldar Xupenfarb refused to play and is expected to be reprimanded by Team Captain Keetra Deile for his insubordination.

     

     Seemingly as a response to the boycott, crudely made posters promoting VPTs, featuring a picture of Xupenfarb from the period he was enslaved by Dr Sloth, were plastered across Altador, prompting massive outrage throughout the Neopian community. In response, Shenkuu and Lost Desert announced they would unanimously boycott their exhibition match at Altador Colosseum, which was scheduled for Sunday evening.

     

     'The level of malice it takes to do something like this is despicable!' Shenkuu Team Captain Mirsha Grelinek told The Very VERY Stale Bread, 'I just cannot fathom why someone would even think that this is appropriate.

     Before our scheduled match, I spoke to Leera Heggle, and we agreed to join the boycott. With Larcy's family being enslaved by Dr Sloth in the past, and the Lost Desert being the target of a Virtupets invasion, we agreed it we could not in good conscience play and give the Altador Cup Committee any income from our hard work.'

     Once again, instead of hosting a press conference, The Altador Cup Committee instead marched out, hammered a scroll to the door to the Committee Building, insulted the gathered press, and slammed the door in our faces. Once again, the scroll did not really answer anything.

     

     

     ---

     Disclaimer: The preceding articles were first written and published at The Very VERY Stale Bread during in late Y23. All articles are written as satire, with comedic intentions in mind.

     You can keep up with The Very VERY Stale Bread at www.neopets.com/~megawonderful