The Spooky Food Shop Exposed

      I recently visited that shop of horrors along with my sister, Walda the Baby Kacheek. While she munched on a Coco Pumpkin, I was appalled to see a Droolik’s tail squirming around in one of the dishes. I asked the vampire running the store if real Petpets and Neopets were being used as ingredients. He sheepishly replied, “Well, if it croaks, flaps, or slithers, then chances are that you can buy It here! Yummy!”

      Faced with this unsettling answer, I opted not to buy anything. Based on what he had just told me, I concluded that there was a real Droolik in that bowl. Eating Petpets is SO unethical... The PPL would be disgusted! When I thought that the place couldn’t get any worse, I heard a piercing scream from the back room... followed by several more howls.

      I tried to convince myself that my nerves were just getting the best of me, but my sister was alarmed, too. She asked the vampire if everything was alright back there, and he told her that there was simply a horror movie running in the break room. Considering the fact that I had just seen a real Droolik being made into food, I found that hard to believe.

      A few minutes later, while my sister was still wolfing down junk food, an employee brought out the most revolting thing I have ever seen in my LIFE! A fresh “Blumaroo Tail Salad Extravaganza,” he called it. Upon first sight of the tails, I was so disgusted that I fainted. I vaguely remember being dragged before I lost consciousness.

      When I woke up, I was in that monstrous back room, tied to a chair with rope, and duct taped across the mouth. While my sister had been distracted by dessert, that filthy vampire dragged me away! I squirmed around, struggling to free myself, but it was no use.

      Then I noticed the other victims: numerous Blumaroos confined to dirty, rusty cages, and the occasional Quiggle or Meerca prisoner as well. Some were flailing around in a desperate attempt to escape, while others sobbed quietly, resigned to accept their fate. All were duct taped across the mouth and handcuffed to prevent them from screaming for help.

      As I was stuck in that chair, I took note of my other surroundings: grimy walls and floors, enormous rats running everywhere, and numerous trash bags full of... shall I say... questionable contents. Not to mention the Spyders (I was bitten several times) and the STENCH! I have never smelled something so vile in my life.

      I was starting to feel physically unwell from the Spyder bites, and I was worried about losing consciousness again. Just then, that barbaric vampire swooped in and ran up to me. He untied me and grabbed me by the wrist, but, as only one hand of mine was occupied, I used my other hand to rip the duct tape off of my mouth, and then I yelled for help.

      My sister, Walda, heard me yelling her name, so she rushed into the back room. Walda may be a child, but she is an extraordinary Battledome fighter. Upon seeing the ghastly scene unfolding, she swung her sword at the vampire, and he was unconscious in a matter of seconds, much to the relief of us captives.

      Walda used her massive strength stat to bend the bars of the cages so that the grateful prisoners could crawl out through the openings she created. The rescued Neopets explained the horrors they witnessed in great detail, but a lot of it would not be suitable for younger readers, so I will just say that they described the creation of Blumaroo Tail Salad Extravaganzas, Blumaroo Steaks, and the occasional Quiggle or Meerca Pie.

      You would think that law enforcement would be VERY interested in raiding this disaster of a “restaurant” and arresting everyone who worked there. However, the local department was very indifferent upon hearing the atrocities we described, and thus, they didn’t even bother to check it out. My guess is that they were being bribed to look the other way, because why else WOULDN’T they take care of this?!

      Appalled, we elevated our concerns to the Defenders of Neopia. However, when they arrived at the shop, that vile vampire and all of his underlings had fled, anticipating that someone was onto them. The place was thoroughly searched, and massive evidence, including DNA samples, of Neopet and Petpet rights violations was uncovered. I’d rather not go into detail about it here because young children may be reading, but it was HORRENDOUS. The place deserved to be shut down for the health code violations alone.

      The vampire and his goons are currently at large; there is a two million Neopoint reward for the vampire, and a 200,000 Neopoint reward for each accomplice. (All tips should be directed to the Defenders of Neopia.) Here is a recently-taken picture of the vampire posing next to his vile excuses for “food:”

      That poor Droolik.

      In closing, what can we learn from this? We must be vigilant, and we must be careful of whom we patronize, and what we buy from them. We should especially be careful of what kinds of foods we eat, both for our safety and the safety of others. I shudder to think of how many customers got sick from eating the vampire’s unsanitary creations. In fact, the Gelert Doctor in Neopia Central has reported a sharp drop in the number of food poisoning cases originating from the Haunted Woods ever since that horrid place was shut down.

      Anyway, if you have any information about these ghouls, please contact the Defenders of Neopia. At any rate, please be careful of what you eat, since the vampire and his disgusting workers could set up shop elsewhere. (Especially in Neopia, where shape-shifting is easily achieved with a morphing potion!) In the meantime, the Defenders are diligently pursuing this serious case, and hope to make numerous arrests soon.

      ---Sellescha