In Deep Space, No-one Can Hear You Scheme

This article contains EXTREME SLOTH! Humour only for mature people that have evolved in spaghetti strands of DNA. Deadly Neopian Asparagus.

In deep space, no-one can hear you scheme. That is why I wuv living here in the Space Station. Its so quiet here, you can hear Grundo slaves being dropped from their jobs.

Virtupets is the best place in Neopia. I love being surrounded by technology. I’d rather have a flying toaster to cook toast than cook my breakfast over a fire like a Tyrannian native. Ugh.

I’m a technology freak and expert. I know HTML, CSS, Javascript and all other code monkey language. The Award for ‘Most Likely to Be Employed for Neopets as a Programmer’ would go to me as I am much more skilled in the art of coding and in the area of computer science than anyone else. Rumour has it, this Roxy character still uses a typewriter to write her articles.

Female Neopets love shopping especially shoe shopping. (Right, males? You know what I’m talking about.) From being dragged shopping and with all this knowledge about shoes, I am even plotting to equip my Sloth army members with a pair each of the sharpest stilettos you can find to fight with.

So, with Plushieowner I was walking through this posh department store and found Roxy. Real story. So I decided to press her buttons a little and poke her a bit to see how she would react.. No, its not what you are thinking!

This “Roxy” was a little device humans call a ‘phone’ used for communication and it was called Roxy, just like that Shoyru no-body.

Shocked to find such an object, plushieowner described what it was used for. For years, I had speculated and imagined humans speaking into their shoes, surrounded by a big bubble of silence.

So, now I can mess with my Roxy everyday. Don’t you just love modern connivence? *presses little buttons*

Now that I know how to use the ringtone function, Plushieowner will have to get used to ‘Summer Slothin’ all day long.

How do you program a VCR? Also I have a tape jammed in my video machine as I forgot to take off the cellophane wrapping before I inserted a video tape. Roxy

*laughs* I really thought you were still using BETA technology. You make fun of me plugging in the Weewoo Master but you can’t even program a VCR.
That is the funniest and silliest thing I have heard all week. And the wrapping thing, you are a hoot Rox!
Speaking of having a bad memory a Wise Lenny once told me, ‘Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.’

Dear Sloth, Are you ever planning on changing your weird hairdo? A lot of people have noticed that you resemble a giant, mutated snot-green chicken. Sincerely, A Concerned Fan

How very dare you think that! I keep my hair like that so I save neopoints on haircuts and on hole punches. Don’t diss the trademark, man!

Hi! I was wondering if you mind me making a comic parody called ‘Bothering Sloth’. Bother! Bother! Chilli ‘Ron’ Carne

Granted. But please no funny business like naked Roxy time. It is plain disgusting, that Shoyru doesn’t cover up. At least I have class, I wear clothes.

What's in a Virtupets astronaut's favourite sandwich? Prepare for Takeoff

Oh, I know this one!?! Launch meat. *giggles*

Greetings Slothy-kins! I'm not really beautiful like those other pretty Royal pets. Well, not really really ugly, but nobody seems to like me. I have glasses and oily skin.

I've never had a boyfriend. It's so unfair because there's a Purple Acara I know who is ugly and clumsy. She has orange spots all over but she has boy Neopets swarming over. All I see when I look into my Faerie Kacheek mirror is a worthless girl. Ugly Battle Duck

“Looks fade, personality doesn’t” is what I would say if this Acara was attractive. But orange spots on purple, please hand this girl a Split Paintbrush for a makeover.

Dear Mr S, I share a bed with a fat green blob but he never pays attention to me. All he wants to turn on is that television in the corner. Virtupets Vixen

Honey, spare me the details if you don’t mind! We don’t want to share our personal life with the whole of Neopia.

Dear Doctor Sloth, My Red Yurble spends about hundred thousand neopoints in Scratchcard Kiosk tickets each month. I think that is too much. Frisky Business

I do not particularly care for gambling. However, when people do gamble I think that the amount spent needs to be in line with their owner’s income. If your Yurble earns 200,000 neopoints a year by playing flash games- I wouldn’t say it was a problem.

Dear Ask Sloth, A little help here. Super Poogle by day, back pain by night. Any home remedies to make it go away? Chiropractic Poogle

I’ve got a pain in the neck, but she won’t go away! If you find me a remedy, drop me a line.

Hey Sloth!
Wazzup? I know someone who collects everything. Not just for the Packrat avatar. He has sets of everything from ice cube trays to a collection of about 124 different, patterned and coloured ties.

It is like he can’t buy one thing if he knows there is a series out there. He seems to be getting a little peculiar. His family is beginning to get worried and so am I. Being Realistic about Materialistic

I studied this! Sometimes normal behaviours become unbalanced. Obsessions are behaviours that a person cannot readily bring under their control.
Approach them quietly and voice your concern. Tell them if they are going to spend neopoints like there’s no tomorrow, they should at least spend the money on other people.

Why is my Eo codestone shaking? Is it cold? A Door Noob

Maybe you left your codestone on vibrate? XD

"Why did you zap the General Chat board?! I mean, it was the coolest board of them all. Come on, Slothy... I know you zapped it and that's that! But why don't you just bring it back! I mean, isn't there a reverse button on your ray gun? All super villains have them and coincidentally, the reverse button is what always saves the day. o.o In a Spin

Alot debate was stirred up whether or not it should be brought back by Neopets. But the decision has been made, that newbies eat too much bandwidth up so its not likely that board will return.

Dear Slothy, is it really true you live in a cardboard box? Any truths to the rumour? Slothyfestfan

That Roxy bird should be tarred and feathered. Just ‘cause she has low esteem issues, it’s no excuse for spreading mean rumours about me. My Space Station Neohome Mansion is big. Just the way I like it.

Hello, My Ruki is really obsessed with the band, Twisted Roses. But he pumps out their music so loud, its making me deaf. Teenagers are a complex puzzle. Pardon, what did you say?

Oh, I recollect the time when I was teenager. The teenager is a connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud. Live a little, you’re only young once. Sooner or later they will grow out of the fad, anyway.

Rant of the Fortnight (or ROTF):

I am driving my spaceship near the Space Station on the way to work and someone cuts me off. Boy, I was flaming.

Wouldn’t have been as bad if a guy did it but I was cut off by an attractive wench in the left lane. I must have been distracted by her headlights.