Xantan's Guide on Correct Neopets Behavior

Questions from Neopets

XAN,

I am a Shoyru and just got painted starry. My older brother, a red Grundo, hasn’t been painted yet, but he really wants to become gray. He thinks I’m spoiled because I got painted first. My owner is saving up for a gray paintbrush and I think when he gets it the argument will be over. But for the meantime, how can I settle this? And what if my owner buys food for us and he thinks our owner really isn’t going to save up for it?

HELLO,

If your brother is stubborn enough, then it’s impossible to persuade him. Try playing Turmac Roll and other games to chip in the fund for his gray paintbrush. That would probably help persuade him. As the youngest Neopet, however, you will have to get used to be considered spoiled. And surely your brother doesn’t want to starve, so don’t worry about Neopoints spent on food that much.

XAN,

I had a bad fight with a Skeith last week about the existence of Jelly world. Please settle this argument and tell him there is a Jelly world.

HELLO,

To your surprise, there isn’t a Jelly world regardless of what you hear on the boards. There obviously isn’t a Jelly world for scientific reasons. Besides, the Neopets team says there isn’t a Jelly world. And they wouldn’t lie to us, now would they? Please apologize to the Skeith.

PS: Try to avoid fight with Skeiths. They have big mouths and their tail can whap you hard.

PSS: Don’t share cookies with Skeiths; that’s how pirate Neopets get their hooks.

XAN,

There IS a Jelly world and I’ve seen it!

HELLO,

Please, stop fooling around and lying to me.

XAN,

Uggs bug ugg ugga ugg. Ug ug uggety buggety gug. Ugha ugg ug “ug” buggety “augh!” Uggety gug buggety ugga ugg uggety uggs! Ugga gug gug gug buggety gug ugg uggs? (Translation: I am a Tyrannian Usul. I get really annoyed when Neopets from Meridell visit and they pronounce words wrong. Instead of “ug” they say something more like “augh!” This can’t be correct, and it really drives me nuts. Is there any tactful way to stop this?)

HELLO,

I love your old traditional Tyrannian speech. Ugga uggety gug. The only tactful way to correct them is to teach Tyrannian or say, “It’s pronounced more like ‘ug’, not with an ‘au’, but a ‘u’.” Gug wuggwagetty uggs uggety, “Guga wuggwagetty ‘ug”’ ugs buggety uggs ‘au’ uggety ugga ug ‘u’.”

XAN,

At Neoschool they want us to wear plastic rings for identification. It drives me nuts to wear a ring. Should I tell the principal, and avoid it? Or should I grit my fangs and take to long hours of pain on my little Grundo finger?

HELLO,

Please, don’t grit your fangs. It can’t be good for them and it makes a bad sound. Just suggest a nametag instead of rings for identification. Tell them your neohome is too hot and it’ll melt the plastic ring (which would explain why you didn’t turn in your homework). If all fails, try to find a Neopian article on excuses for neoschool.

XAN,

Help, I need math help in neoschool! What’s the neosin ^ neocosin’s second neoderivative of approximate square neoroot of pi?

HELLO,

It is 0. But don’t expect me to answer all your math problems from neoschool. I suggest you actually learn how to do it. And the answer is easy since the square neoroot of pi (approximate or not) is a constant. And the neoderivative or second neoderivative etc. is going to be zero. The neosin is obviously zero, and the neocosin in an exponent, and 0 to the 1 is zero, just to explain how that works.

XAN,

What is the square neoroot of…

HELLO,

STOP! I only answered one person. No more math help! Ask your math teacher.

XAN,

I was taking a neofu class at Mystery Island and I’m slower in the movement than anybody else there. I barely raise my leg when everyone is done with their kick. And my owner won’t sign me up for agility! Only strength, hit points, etc. How do I stop this?

HELLO,

Actually, a slow beginner is better than a racing/rushing pro. Paying for agility isn’t worth it until you get to at least mach one. Then you can get them before they blink their eyes. Your owner probably knows this and doesn’t have the Neopoints to pay for anything worth agility.

Owner’s Questions:

XAN,

When my Neopet goes on the boards he usually comes back to our neohome speaking chat speak. But today my Neopet came home and went too far and said, “NQJAFUGN@%1570aligfgh! ‘’Agf! Fahf; ll; h8! #$8qlg84!” I can’t stand it any longer!

HELLO,

My question is how he got to pronounce all that. Even Xan’s ancestors couldn’t pronounce that. I’m sure something like that would definitely cause you a lot of annoyance. Try saying, “I’m awfully sorry, but could you tell me what that means?” If you want really good emphasis, try saying it in a Meridell (never, ever, ever, ever a Krawk Island accent) accent so he sees you want to speak properly. Ban him from coming back to the neohome for a few weeks for punishment (if it’s a Meerca you are talking about, then play Meerca chase constantly [a good way to get Neopoints, too]).

XAN,

AUUGH! Every time my Tyrannian Usul goes to the beauty parlor, she comes back, all covered with lipstick, saying she’s a red Usul (or rather, “ugga wuggwagetty ugg gug ug”)! Help, how do I stop this?

HELLO,

Firstly, I doubt your Usul likes your Tyrannian accent that you attempted in the first sentence. If you say, “UGH!” instead of “AUUGH!” then I’ll bet this might help. If not, she’s probably hinting that she wants to be painted red. So paint her red. If not, she’s probably just trying to prank you thinking that she hasn’t been played with or fed enough.

At the beginning you didn’t think Neopia’s owners and pets had any problems, did you? Well, I’m out here to solve them.