Interview - Sarah the Zafara

So I (my name's Salli, by the way) went to pay Sarah a visit. I went to her cozy little alcove in the Help page and stood there expectantly waiting for Sarah to finish reading her really really thick book (and finish sipping her Orange Cream Slushie. How does she read without getting it all over her book?). When she finally looked up, she smiled, closed her book, and adjusted her glasses a little bit.

Sarah: I know absolutely EVERYTHING about Neopia! Are you here to ask me a question?

Salli: Err... No, actually, I'm here to interview you.

Sarah: You ask questions when interviewing people.

Sarah said this in a manner that made me feel as if I were a Baby Kougra, being patiently taught the alphabet.

Sarah: What do I get out of an interview?

Salli: Err... you get to be published and your name will be in print on a newspaper with a circulation of 127,468,185...?

Sarah: Very well, then. But I don't have all day, you know. Look at all the people who are waiting here for their questions to be answered.

I glanced around. No one except for me was there, but occasionally a few people would come in and go to the User Prefs page without a single glance in this direction. I shrugged.

Salli: Okay then. The first question is: How many questions do you get, on average, every day?

Sarah: A lot. Trust me.

Salli: So how come no one is here now?

Sarah gave me a glare that was so menacing that I almost dropped my notebook and ran for cover. Almost. But I decided that an interview was so much more important than my own life and safety, so I continued.

Salli: The next question is: Why do you have a Slorg sitting on top of your head at all times? Is it because Slorg slime helps you think better, and it's easier for Slorg slime to permeate into your brain if it sits on your head?

Sarah: NO. That's my pet Slorg, Archimedes. And many Petpets enjoy sitting on their owners' heads.

Salli: Really?

Sarah: Yes, of course. If you haven't noticed, the yellow Draik in the Neopian Times has a Weewoo on his head.

I hadn't noticed that, as a matter of fact. But I decided to move on.

Salli: Next question. Where do you live?

Sarah: Well, I can't reveal the location of my address. If I did, I would be plagued by mobs of Neopians with questions day and night!

I looked around again. A bit of tumbleweed was blowing around the Help page. A yellow Wocky and her owner walked to the User Prefs page.

Sarah: But I can tell you that I live in a small but cozy Neohome in Neopia Central.

Salli: So, do you have an owner?

Sarah: An owner?! Why would I, the Zafara who knows absolutely everything in Neopia, have an owner?

Salli: Just wondering... You didn't have to jump down my throat... A simple, polite, "no" would have done... Well, the next question is: Do you really have almost every item in Neopia?

Sarah: Of course I do!

Salli: So, where do you get your money? You don't seem to be very well paid, sitting here and answering peoples' questions... And we already established that you do not, in fact, have an owner...

Sarah: Let's just say, I have connections...

I imagined Sarah striking deals with the Lever of Doom, the Evil Mutant Kadoatie of Doom, Balthazar, and the Pant Devil... The thought was rather disturbing, so I moved on.

Salli: Is that a Slumberberry Potion? Wow.

Sarah: Yep.

Salli: So you know where the Hidden Tower is, too. Care to tell me?

Sarah: Go to Faerieland, enter the castle, turn left at the main staircase and proceed to the right after taking 57 steps. Then climb up the staircase...

I hurriedly ran to Faerieland and followed Sarah's instructions, only to find that I had ended up in some abandoned tower that had a curse on it. After getting out (I'll save that story for later), I went back to Sarah and tried to resist the impulse to thwack her really really hard with my notebook.

Salli: Why'd you lie to me?

Sarah was practically exploding with laughter at me. Resist, I thought to myself, and clutched my notebook tightly.

Sarah: I can't believe you believed me. Did you think I'd actually tell you where it was? Well, anyways, it's a secret. Queen Fyora pays me to mislead Neopians to keep the location of the Tower a secret.

Salli: So that's where the Neopoints come from.

Sarah: Yep. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to a meeting with King Hagan, Dr. Sloth, and Finneus discussing the chances that Neopia is undergoing global warming.

Salli: Wait! You haven't answered my last question! How do you read and drink an Orange Cream Smoothie at the same time without killing the book and upsetting the librarian?

Sarah yelled, "Practice!"

I had found Sarah to a very intelligent yet untrustworthy Zafara. Neopians everywhere shouldn't trust her. Ever. As I was pondering this, I noticed that she had left the Nova and the potion. As I reached toward them, I suddenly realized that Sarah may have set traps on them. Not wanting to be laughed at (again), I decided to leave without burgling the magical items. However, as I left the Help page, a young Ogrin had curiously picked up the potion... Only to fall into a deep dark pit reminiscent of the spatial abyss in the Altadorian Archives. Good thing I hadn't taken them.