60 Reasons We Love Donna!

Over my 1 year on Neopets, I’ve seen many lists on everything from avatars to Adam and Snowflake. But I’ve rarely seen anything honoring the one who keeps some level of sanity on the site, Donna. So here are 60 reasons Neopians love (or should love) Donna!

1. She keeps Adam from turning everything on the site to Asparagus! Help us, Donna!!!

2. Her Neopoints are much easier to match than Adam’s on the About Us page.

3. She keeps the news page updated as much as possible.

4. She keeps Dr. Sloth and other evil Neopians from taking over the news page (most of the time).

5. Without her, Snowflake would stage a hostile takeover and turn all of Neopia into one giant Neopian Times.

6. She has the power to freeze any one of us. (We love you Donna!!)

7. She keeps all the Neopets team healthy with vitamins during the winter so no one gets sick.

8. She keeps the Avatar gurus churning out new avatars for us collectors.

9. She’s much prettier than Adam.

10. She’s saner than Adam. Not that hard to be. (Huh? What? Adam may be watching? He might freeze my account? Eek! I didn’t mean it, Adam! Take pity on me!)

11. She keeps the Down For Maintenance Pteri in a cage as much as possible, and captures him again if he does manage to get out.

12. She makes sure there are plenty of paint brushes for Jacko the Phantom Painter to hand out to needy (and not-so-needy) Neopians.

13. Without her, Dr. Sloth would transmogrify all the pets in Neopia into his slaves!

14. She is possibly the most undervalued person on the Neopets team.

15. She doesn’t take up valuable Neopian Times space with “Reasons we love Donna” articles written by psychotic, raving stalkers -- um, I mean devoted fans. (Looks around innocently).

16. She keeps even more Kadoaties from requesting Blue Draik Eggs.

17. Her stamp is worth 5 million Neopoints on the Trading Post, and it’s triangular too!

18. She’s a Root Canal Champion. (Just how DO you get to be a Root Canal Champion anyways?)

19. She proudly uses her own name as her Neopets handle, unlike some other people on the Neopets team that will remain nameless, but enjoy asparagus and borovan .

20. She’s our last line of defense against evildoers like Lord Kass

21. She somehow manages to keep all the various Pet Day celebrations in order.

22. She keeps all the real-life Neopets merchandise looking reasonably the same as it does online.

23. She sacrifices her time and brains and heart and soul so that we Neopians can have the best online experience to be found on the whole Internet.

24. She has an extremely cool-looking Fire Peophin.

25. She has really cool, expensive and/or unbuyable petpets like a Blue Snorkle, a Fir, a Triffin, and a Halloween Fungree!

26. She uses that weird-looking Quiguki avatar from April Fool’s Day 2004.

27. She has the power to make the avatar gurus make all those retired avatars available again if she wants to. (hint, hint?)

28. She keeps the Wheel of Monotony oiled so that it keeps on spinning…and spinning…and spinning…and spinning…

29. She holds the key to the Cheat Monster’s chains.

30. When all else fails, she’s the one Adam turns to to make everything better again.

31. She makes sure Balthazar keeps handing out those bottled faeries for free at the Money Tree.

32. Every once in a while, she’s able to convince Adam to lower his Neopoints so more people can have the “Number Six” avatar.

33. She has that cool sword with wings as her icon on her user lookup.

34. If you get aggravated, you can whack her upside the head in the Whack-A-Staff game.

35. She co-created the whole site! Without her, there wouldn’t BE a Neopets! (Falls at Donna’s feet) We’re not worthy!

36. She has lovely, long hair that people love to run their fingers through…I assume…um…moving on…

37. She makes sure the shopkeepers in Neopia Central and elsewhere in Neopia keep their shops stocked with all kinds of cool stuff.

38. She doesn’t take any guff from Adam.

39. She could probably take on any Neopets staff member and win in a knock-down, drag-out fight.

40. She’s very smart.

41. She’s very funny.

42. She takes well to flattery (I hope).

43. She loves chocolate! Mmmmm, chocolate!!

44. She makes sure the programmers keep all the games running smoothly.

45. She approves great new characters like the Happiness Faerie!

46. She’s from England, so that makes her, in a way, Queen of Neopets! Long live the Queen! (Bows for royalty).

47. In her offline life…(hears giggling)…oh yeah, I forgot. What offline life?

48. She has a pretty Fire Faerie Doll next to her name on the About Us page. Much better than that icky cheese-covered Asparagus that Adam has. Yuck!

49. She secretly heads the NAA, Neopians Against Asparagus.

50. Sooner or later, there will be a Donna avatar like the Adam avatar now. (Crossing his fingers and hoping).

51. She holds high tea with all the Neopets heroes and villains every day at 4pm sharp NST.

52. She’s very perky.

53. She’s the one that lulls the Snowager to sleep with her beautiful rendition of Sloth’s Lullaby.

54. She’s a girl, and, therefore, is superior to all boys. (Nods firmly, the Boy Brainwasher 3000 Helmet firmly planted on his head, his eyes glazed over).

55. Because we Neopians love to kiss up to the creators of this fine, wonderful, educational site.

56. She has to be responsible for all the people who deal with site content, including Keith (he’s mental!).

57. She doesn’t use chatspeak…

(Commotion heard in the background, with some yelling and shouting, and scuffling for the keyboard)

Unknown person with gruff voice – Give me the keyboard!

Me – Who in the name of Adam and Donna are you?

Unknown person – Why you little…I’m the (cough, cough, comes back with a much higher voice) I’m the Happiness Faerie. You want to keep getting Faerie Quests, right? I know Fyora, you know, and she’d be very angry if you didn’t let me have some time on here. (Bats giant eyelashes).

Me – The Happiness Faerie? You look an awful lot like Dr. Slo…

Happiness Faerie (with gruff voice) – Don’t you dare say it! (coughs again, resuming the higher voice) I mean, I look nothing like that evil, evil man. Now, as I was saying. I have some reasons that I love Donna, and I wanted to be sure they got counted.

58. When I control all of Neopia, er, when Donna retires, she’ll be sure to leave the site in very capable hands. (Oversized wink of those giant eyelashes again).

59. She was the one that asked me to come to Neopia and help transmogrify, er, cheer up all the pets so they could be my slaves, um, happier! Yeah! Happier, hence my name!

60. When Adam is away, she makes sure all those goody-two-shoes, um, those deserving – yeah, deserving – Neopians get a break and have a better chance at some of the expensive goodies.

Okay, “Happiness Faerie”, that’s enough! Give me the keyboard back!

(Sounds of scuffling again in the background as the Happiness Faerie gives a howl of rage, being escorted away from the computer by the Cheat Monster)

Whew. Glad that’s over. Anyway, those are 60 reasons that we love the Mother of Neopets, Donna! WE LOVE YOU DONNA!