The Evils of Sakhmet Solitaire

Today, this reporter came across a terrifying phenomenon present in the outskirts of Neopian society, in the city most commonly known as Sakhmet in the Lost Desert. This phenomenon has a basis in the root of all evils, Sakhmet Solitaire, and its propensity to turn relatively normal, well-adjusted Neopians into zombies.

This reporter found this terrifying occurrence whilst attempting to play the game herself. However, she noticed the onset of zombification before it had a chance to snag her into its depths, and therefore escaped with her mind and the majority of her brain cells still intact.

Sakhmet Solitaire, a Lost Desert version of the Solitaire game we all know and love, imposes on the player a few simple rules. As expected, the player is subject to the ‘stack the cards in decreasing order and alternating colours’ rule of the normal Solitaire, with the objective to place all the cards in Ace Piles according to their suit, but the Sakhmet version also allows a choice between a one and three card draw on the Draw Pile.

The true despair actually comes from another rule imposed on this draw pile. When selecting a one-card draw, the player may only go through the deck once. In a three-card draw, they are limited to only three times of going through the deck before the game is forfeit.

“HUNGRY,” replied one poor Neopian who had been subject to this horror, when questioned on the finer aspects of being a newly-born zombie. “IT’S LIKE BEING A VAMPIRE. BUT NOT FOR BLOOD.”

“BRAINS,” another, much older zombie remarked to a similar questioning.

The zombification process appears to occur after extended playing of Sakhmet Solitaire. Motivated by boredom or a simple delight in playing Solitaire, Neopians approach the Sakhmet Solitaire Tent in the middle of the City of Sakhmet, greeting the Desert Chomby who lies in wait. The different rules catch many by surprise, but they often ignore the potential despair hiding within the cards to play a quick game. One game turns into two, then three...

There is, in fact, a limit to the Neopoints available to be gained by playing this game, and reaching said limit thankfully deters quite a few. But for some, this apparent ‘limit’ takes long enough to reach that the zombification has already attacked their brain, leaving them little more than nonexistent creatures resigned to talking in caps lock and experiencing eternal hunger.

Now, you may well be wondering what, exactly, this may have to do with you. After all, you may have only played Sakhmet Solitaire once or twice or perhaps never at all. Therefore this occurrence, while sad, has little effect on you, besides serving to warn you against playing too much for too long a period of time.

The real truth is – Sakhmet Solitaire is part of a greater conspiracy.

People and Neopets alike are lured to the tent with a desire to play Solitaire, or perhaps gain a shiny trophy for display on their user lookup. A bronze trophy in ‘Sakhmet Solitaire Bonus’ requires two wins, a silver requires five. The elusive gold trophy means the player must win two games in a row. Now, this appears to be quite a simple requirement – it is anything but. A personal friend of this reporter played through an astonishing 95 games before acquiring a bronze trophy and two wins; luckily, he played this amount of games in ten different sessions, avoiding the imminent zombie curse, and has no apparent desire to aim for higher trophies. After the release of this knowledge to the general public, this reporter can only hope he never will.

Statistically speaking, this personal friend has a 0.044 percent chance of winning two games in a row and acquiring the Sakhmet Solitaire Bonus Gold Trophy. Although others may be luckier, even winning one in every ten games gives a player a measly one percent chance of winning two games in a row, and thus a gold trophy. This is a very small chance; tiny, in fact. The gaming base of Sakhmet Solitaire is obviously flawed, hiding the greater conspiracy - turning the general Neopian population into zombies.

This lax cover-up is additionally present in the game known as Pyramids, also available in the Lost Desert. With a similar Neopoints-limit to project false concern to the player, the bronze ‘bonus’ trophy may be won after a few games and a good application of luck. The silver is slightly more difficult, but can be achieved within 50 games if the player is skilled enough to manage.

The gold, however...

Similar statistics apply, which spells doom for the player trying to achieve a golden trophy within a single day. After mere hours, the zombification takes root in their system, and there is no known cure as of yet.

This reporter narrowly escaped this terrifying fate, impressing on her the true seriousness of this problem. Over time, Neopians are slowly succumbing to the mindlessness of these two games, and an distinct increase in zombies has an increase in caps lock use immediately following. This, in turn, serves to convert many others to the zombific pursuit to escape such terror on the Neoboards and in general conversation, and lo! Neopia is overrun.

Of course, this is occurring slowly; so slowly, in fact, that the steady increase of zombies has been barely noticed by others before. This is obviously the progress of a secret, well-run conspiracy, evidently well-used to hiding information and the results of their fiddling in their pursuit to take over Neopia. Without being suspected by the Defenders of Neopia due to their good societal standing, they are free to run their zombie program and slowly but surely convert every Neopian to their cause.

I am talking about the –

- What was that? Oh, no, my story! Give that back! Yes, you! I have a camera and I’m not afraid to use it, you know! Oh... oops. Wait, don't eat me-!

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This reporter finishes this story with the urgency required of one running from imminent danger. Please, alert the world. Every single Neopian is counting on you to save them.