The Tyrannian Concert Guide: Part II

Go on, take a look.

I'm waaaaiiiiting...

Okay, fine. Be that way. I guess you can just read it later. In that case, I'll need to introduce this thing all over again. *deep breath*

Recently I journeyed to the Tyrannian Plateau, smack dab in the center of this prehistoric land. Just the name of it conjures up an image in many Neopians' minds: wave upon wave of jagged rocks, with menacing volcanos looming over the barren plain. Tiny huts dot the landscape, and the nose-wrinkling aroma of roasting mystery meat wafts through the scorching air. Occasionally the sound of a throaty, unfamiliar language is heard.

Although this area was once on the PPL's bad books, those times have changed. Cities are popping up all over Tyrannia, and the Plateau is no exception. With the Uggites (as they prefer to be called) come the bands. The Tyrannian Concert Hall has stood for centuries, and it's now the hottest spot to find the best music after dark. This guide will introduce you to seven of the groups performing there, and you'll just have to read Part I if you want any more. Hmph.

Hikalakas

Rating:

This Mystery Island-based band has gained quite a bit of a cult following for their uncommon folk-inspired music and choice of instruments. Although the group rarely performs outside of their home, you won't want to miss the opportunity to hear them in Tyrannia if they're there. Their eclectic blend of beats has many imitators, but none comes close in quality. Estella Rakuru, a young Wocky with a heavy accent and a big smile, says she loves the new popularity. "Of course outside is very different from in jungle, but I like it. Now I work on Neopian language to speak with fans. Very cool!" An interesting thing to know is that there's no ticket for the show—you buy bottles of sand from the ticket seller and get them back at the end as a rather unique souvenir.

Moehawk

Rating:

Three superstars—Blakin, Tarsus, and E.J.—are rocking Tyrannia with their punk singles. Moehawk has been around for longer than Gruundo, and the decibel level is much lower, thankfully. However, the trio is quickly losing popularity. Tarsus, who is red with an... interesting... star tattoo on his forehead and a habit of letting spit fly, admitted to Uggite DJ magazine, "Yeah, it's just hard to tell what the new generation wants. I mean, I'm, like, almost thirty. Nobody wants a thirty-year-old punk." (Or one who has been known to spray fans with his mouthy fluids, apparently.) If you do decide to check out Moehawk, be sure to get a souvenir pack. It's a steal at only 3000 NP, and it's got all kinds of goodies for a wannabe guitarist.

Neopian Philharmonic

Rating: ½

At long last, a music group for the more civilized music lovers. The Neopian Philharmonic is one of the top orchestras in all of Neopia, and its conductor of twenty years, Deloran Phillips, certainly never disappoints with his enthusiastic gesticulations to its members, which add a spark of life to the otherwise formal performances. That's not to say they aren't interesting, of course. If you've never heard Moezart's Nachtmusik, or Pachelbuzz's Canon in P, then this is the place to be. A must-see is whitehaired Lupe bassist Rendirl Girdre, a native of Meridell whose skills with the bow are jaw-dropping. Many Neopians depart the Concert Hall utterly moved by the pieces—and carrying plenty of merchandise. Phillips is nothing if not a fantastic marketer.

Sticks N Stones

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JeReck and his gang of seemingly insane Neopets has long been stiff competition for Moehawk, and, more recently, Gruundo. The group has been a staple on the Top 10 bestselling for several years, and the longhaired, trash-talking members are fan favorites. Especially beloved is muscular Fruden Luplin, a purple Lupe with hip-length bleached hair and a horrific case of tooth decay. "Yeah, dude, life rocks," he told Uggite DJ recently, with his usual brevity. The music that he and his bandmates generate is of mediocre quality at best, and the Concert Hall is often jam-packed with screaming, sweaty fans during one of their many performances there. It's not a pleasant experience. I would suggest checking out one of the other two punk groups out there instead.

Twisted Roses

Rating: ½

The terrible quality of this band's work is enough to make you wish you were deaf. It's, I presume, the only heavy metal group in Neopia, and it's a disappointment to any fans of that type. There's a reason why they only perform once a month, and why there are a whopping 128,000 tickets for sale—hardly anyone ever shows up. The threesome in Twisted Roses are made up in bad-smelling perfume and black leather jackets, purple eyeliner hurriedly smushed onto the face, jingly chain mail of some sort, and hilariously grim expressions. The souvenirs are even provided free, and admittedly they're a bit of a treat—speakers, a chain mail shirt, mugs complete with clawed feet, and a jazzy keyring. It's about the only upside to this horrendous band.

Wock Till You Drop

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You've already seen my lukewarm reviews of the other punkish bands. WTYD is a brilliant exception. Lead guitarist NDN wows with his improv guitar skills, and drummer G.Fang plays his custom-built stone instruments to perfection. Meanwhile, an amusing sight is Wick, just behind and to the left of NDN, wearing his Encased in Ice costume to all the performances. He adds a steady, booming beat, mostly by rocking the pillar of ice back and forth with a mischievous grin. When not trapped in frozen water, Wick enjoys meeting his fans. "It's a real fun thing, to see all of these guys and say hi and stuff. I always dreamed of being famous, and it amazes me every day." The surprising personality and friendliness of the Wockies just adds more to their fanbase, and WTYD's new albums are always chart-toppers.

Yes Boy Ice-Cream

Rating: ½

Last but certainly not least, the Creamies are the latest sleeper hit from the typically classical Altador. They've got disco groove that's—almost—on par with Chomby and the Fungus Balls. For those of you that are turned off by CATFB lead singer Chelm Spike's constant yowling during his songs, come check out Arisius "Ayl" and his bandmates. The music they do is part retro paisley, part futuristic techno bop. You'd think the mixture would sound refreshingly different and cool, but their previous singles have been anything but: recycled, unoriginal, boring, especially "Hold On Triangle", released in the Month of Running (or March to all you uninitiated folks). Recently, there's been a rapid improvement in both quality and sales figures, so keep an eye out for rave reviews during your trip.

Aaaaand that's it for the guide. It was fantastic, huh?

Okay, maybe not. But you will be using it in your vacation to the Plateau, right?

Well, sheesh. Whatever. Have a good one, I guess.