Alice and Topsi's Neggcellent Adventure

     “Ahh, here’s one!” excitedly squealed Alice as she spotted another chocolate Negg beneath a big tree in the glade. She hurriedly picked it up and put it in her basket.

     The Shoyru had travelled all the way from Mystery Island to Neopia Central for her first Negg Hunt. Her NeoSchoolmates had laughed at her when she told them she was planning to participate. “You’d rather hunt stupid Neggs than relax on the beach, tanning, and eating delicious fruits?” they had derided hedonistically. But that just emboldened her. She was going to prove to them that it would be just as fun as a perpetual beach day.

     So here he was – and she was having a blast!

     “Ooh, is there one behind these thick bushes?” she asked no one in particular as she narrowed her eyes mischievously and reached her hand out and underneath it.

     “Hee that tickles!” came a voice as her paw brushed over something furry. She snapped her hand back and almost dropped her basket due to the fright. She furrowed her brow; no one else was around.

     …Or was there?

     She set down her basket and gingerly pulled out the furry object from beneath the bush.

     It was none other than the severed head of Topsi, just grinning back at her.

     Alice screamed.

     “Hey there, friend!” he started reassuringly. She kept screaming. “No, no, it's OK! I'm fine! This just happens sometimes.” He grinned casually at her.

     This caught the Shoyru off guard. “Er… what?” She frowned.

     “Sometimes my head becomes detached from my body,” elaborated Topsi matter-of-factly, as though this was completely commonplace. “It allows me to spread the words of Neggy cheer with my mouth to passersby whilst my body goes around hiding Neggs!” He wobbled a nod. “Quite efficient if you ask me.”

     Alice glared back at him.

     The Head of Topsi frowned. “But this year, something unfortunate happened! My body never came back! Someone must have STOLEN it!” he said with a gasp.

     His statement turned the Shoyru from confusion to concern. This was a mystery, now! Much like finding Neggs. “Who did that to you, Severed Head of Topsi?”

     “I haven’t a clue!” the Cybunny said with a dramatic and pained expression. “Last I remember, I was playing hide and seek… My body was hiding Neggs for the Festival, and my head was sitting on a busy walkway in the Plaza seeking Neopians who would come look for them! But rather than my body coming back, someone kidnapped my head, put me in a sack, and dumped me off under that bush! That was probably a week or two ago at this point, but it’s hard to tell time under a bush… Anyway, luckily, I found some doughnutfruits to snack on under there, or I’d be a goner for sure!”

     The Shoyru nodded slowly. “So… what do you want from me?” She asked curiously, far from her former fright.

     “First, tell me – what’s your name, kiddo?” asked Topsi cheerily.

     “A-Alice,” said Alice hesitantly. Just how far down the Cybunny hole would this take her?

     The Cybunny head beamed. “Alice, I want you to help me find my body. Will you? I promise you that you will receive a very Neggy reward!”

     Reward? The Shoyru grinned slowly; that would be just the thing to show up her Mystery Island friends. “Of course, Severed Head of Topsi.” She clapped before picking him up and putting him in her basket.

     “Hey, watch the face!” he said. “And open a flap, it’s hard to breathe in here!”

     “Sorry Mr. Face,” said Alice innocently as she opened a flap in her basket. “Where do you want me to take you, anyway?”

     “I will suggest the Negg Gazer,” replied Topsi. “He could probably foresee where my body is. However, I’m not sure where we’d find him. He’s something of a clandestine character.”

     The Shoyru grinned. “Oh, I’m sure he’ll be around the Negg Festival main grounds.”

     “Makes sense to me!” exclaimed Topsi. “Vamoose, Shoyru!”

     Alice and Topsi travelled to the Negg Festival. Their conversation was mostly Topsi talking about Neggs, and Alice listening intently and trying to keep up and make polite replies.

     “And here we are!” exclaimed the Shoyru as they neared the Festival.

     “Most neggcellent!” the severed head replied. “Take me out of the basket and hold me up to Negg Gazer.”

     Alice set her basket on the ground and lifted out Topsi’s head, proudly presenting it to the Negg Gazer.

     The Chia, perturbed, raised an eyebrow. “Even though I foresaw this, it is even more unsettling in real life.”

     “Negg Gazer!” Topsi demandingly boomed. “Prophecy where my body is!”

     “Negg Gazer!” came Kari’s voice as she walked up behind them all. “I need you to help me find another—”

     Her thought was cut short by her recognition of Topsi, and she smirked at him. “I see someone found you just in time for the start of the Festival, eh T-‘bun?”

     “Ah, if it isn’t the Negg Faerie herself,” replied Topsi, eying her suspiciously. “It’s been some time since last I saw you. You’re doing well?”

     “Cut the pleasantries,” she replied harshly, but with a sly smile. “Both you and I know we’re past that.”

     “True,” Topsi admitted, giving her a bemused look. “You’re running the Festival in my absence?”

     “Well of course,” the faerie said with a silky grin. “It’s only natural, I was the original showrunner after all and no one’s seen you in a long while!” A frown washed over her face. “Where have you lost your body this time?”

     The Cybunny head sighed. “No clue.” He then perked up, or as much as a severed head can. “But the Negg Gazer will help me locate it. Then I’ll be out and about swinging my katana once more, prim and proper!”

     “Well, if you find it, you may come back and run the Festival.” She nodded at Topsi. “Consider it… a favour.”

     Topsi grinned. “Splendid!”

     Kari snapped her fingers at her clairvoyant companion and gave him a look. “Get to helping him, you old Gazer.” She walked back toward the main entrance of the Festival.

     The Negg Gazer nodded quickly and looked at his Crystal Negg. “I see… doughnutfruits. And a fist.” He looked up at them. “Know anything about that?”

     Alice gasped dramatically. “Topsi, you told me you found doughnutfruits nearby you when you were left under that bush!”

     Topsi frowned pensively. “I did… there must be a connection. But who do I know with doughnutfruits—” And then the answer hit him like a big sack of Neggs. “It’s Honest Pete!”

     The Shoyru could vaguely remember this name, and tilted her head, thinking. “He was, er, the… artist from a few years ago?”

     “CON artist,” corrected Topsi. “He punched holes into good Neggs, trying to turn them into doughnutfruits for a quick profit.” He gave a grieved grimace. “A true travesty! Forget the fraud – those poor, innocent little Neggs, what did they ever do to him?” He started to tear up. “The tyranny!”

     Alice silently glared at him.

     “Thank goodness I managed to catch him and report him to the proper authorities.” Topsi beamed. “And we never saw him again. If I had hands right now, I would dust them off with finality.”

     His young counterpart nodded. “Hmm, maybe he kidnapped your head and took your body because he’s harboured a grudge?”

     “That’s an interesting thought,” Topsi agreed, doing his best to nod back at her. “Though I’m not sure where he would be now.”

     “Jail?” inquired the Shoyru.

     “Not anymore – he couldn’t have kidnapped me from behind bars.”

     They heard the Negg Gazer cough behind them. “I can foresee his NeoHome address, you know.”

     The Gazer gave the address, which wasn’t far from the Festival. “Hey, I know where that neighbourhood is!” exclaimed Topsi.

     “Good, because I don’t!” Alice said with a playful grin.

     “I’ll be the head of the navigator this time and lead the way,” Topsi finished proudly.

     Alice smiled and nodded her assent. With her basket in one hand and Topsi’s severed head in her other, the two departed.

     Alice and Topsi travelled to Honest Pete’s NeoHome. In between Topsi giving directions, their conversation was mostly Topsi talking about Neggs, and Alice making short replies and trying unsuccessfully to change the subject to something more interesting to her than Neggs.

     “Ah, we’re here!” shouted Topsi, much to Alice’s relief. “Do me a favour and knock on the door please?”

     The Shoyru smiled, set down her basket, carefully set Topsi back into it, and knocked three times using a large metal knocker. “Mr. Honest, are you home?”

     A grumble could be heard on the other side of the door, which then opened to reveal a rather dishevelled Shoyru. “He’s not here – oh, wait, you’re not Chet Flash.”

     Alice gaped with bewildered excitement. “He wuz here!?”

     Honest Pete subtlety raised an eyebrow. “He wuz, but I didn’t let him in. He’s a real blast from the past – gotta look forward to Hattie and the future.”

     They both shared a good chuckle.

     The elder Shoyru’s demeanour immediately shifted to callous wariness. “Anyway, kid, what do you want? I’m not lookin’ to buy cookies.”

     “I have someone who has a question for you.” Alice grinned, turned around, and removed Topsi’s head from her basket. She held the severed head proudly up to Honest Pete’s face.

     Honest Pete screamed.

     “Hey, hey now!” Topsi said calmly. “It’s OK, I’m OK! I just lost my body.” And then the head scowled with vengeance. “And all the signs point to you being the culprit in my kidnapping!”

     Honest Pete went from alarm to anger. “Wait, what in Sloth’s unholy name are you goin’ on about now?”

     Alice took the opportunity to elaborate the details to Honest Pete. “And judging by how the Negg Gazer foresaw hole-punched doughnutfruits, and that doughnutfruits were left beside Topsi when his head got shoved under a bush, we believe the culprit to be you,” she finished.

     Pete just glared at them, and then he broke out into fits of laughter. “That is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard!” He cackled. “You honestly think it’s me!” He looked Topsi squarely in the eye and his expression flatlined. “I will not forgive you for getting me incarcerated and in trouble with the Neopian Antifraud Protection League. But judging by how you have a kid working for you and all, I’d better set the record straight for this youngin’ that I’m not an evil dude.”

     He folded his arms. “What’s your name, kid?”

     “Alice.”

     “Look, Alice,” he started with frank annoyance, “It’s been nearing a decade since I played that character. It’s been five years since I worked off my community service and have been free to start other enterprises. Do you really think I would have stuck to doughnutfruits even after I got out?” He glared at Topsi and scowled. “You too. You’re even worse – those Neggs have fried your brain. Do you really think I would have cared enough to ruin the Festival of Neggs, just for you?” And then he reconsidered. “Well, actually, I might, but there’s no profit in it for me. And that’s, like, a con artist’s whole schtick, you know?”

     Pete flailed. “And judging by your reaction to my reaction, you can’t dispute that I genuinely had NO idea you could just ‘lose your body’! I think you need to go back to the Negg Gazer. He obviously fed you wrong information. And that earlier doughnutfruit thing – it all sounds like a setup to me. Think about who really wants your spot as showrunner of the Festival of Neggs.”

     The Shoyru turned around, walked back into his NeoHome, and slammed the door.

     The Head of Topsi frowned at Alice. “You know, something about the way he said it sounds believable.”

     Alice nodded slowly. “Yeah, I don’t think he has your body, buddy.”

     Topsi growled. “I should have known all along it was a setup! I ate those doughnutfruits and, now that I think about it, they were definitely not Neggs – I know all about the different flavours of Neggs and have them all memorized – and Honest Pete wouldn’t have given me regular doughnutfruits. They’re too expensive.” The Cybunny’s frown deepened. “Did Neggs really fry my brain?”

     “Oh, no Mr. Head, sir,” she began, patting the top of his head. “You love Neggs. Neggs are your thing. The Festival of Neggs is your thing. When we get so wrapped up in what we love, we can easily fail to recognize other things. That’s not a deficiency of you, but on the condition of life. You were focused on bringing joy to the many Neopians out there, especially the young, including myself. You can’t be faulted for being tricked into thinking it was Pete.”

     Topsi smiled up at her. “Thanks kid. You know, you’re rather sagacious for a kid-year-old.”

     She frowned at him. “I don’t think I smell like sage.”

     His smile became wan. “Just take it as a compliment.” Then he grinned determinedly. “But here I thought I was no good to run the Festival anymore – though you’ve invigorated me just enough to keep looking for the culprit and take the Festival of Neggs back!”

     The Shoyru squealed. “I’m so happy! But who do you think took your body?”

     The two thought about it. “Kari,” they said in unison, three seconds later.

     “It makes sense that she and the Negg Gazer would be in cahoots,” conjectured Alice.

     “I completely agree,” commented Topsi. He nodded at her. “I think you know where we must go.”

     She nodded back.

     “Hi-ho Shoyru, away!” he commanded playfully.

     Alice grinned and set Topsi’s severed head back into her basket. She made sure to watch the face this time.

     The two travelled back to the Festival of Neggs. Their conversation was mostly Topsi talking about Neggs, and Alice ignoring him.

     At last, they again reached the Festival grounds.

     “Kari!” shouted Alice as she pointed a finger at the faerie.

     The Negg Faerie glowered inwardly. She knew where this was headed.

     Adopting a sickeningly sweet tone of voice, she replied, “What do you want from me, kid? Did you find Topsi’s body?”

     The Shoyru removed the severed head and held it on proud display to the Negg Faerie. “We think you stole it!” accused Topsi at the top of his lack-of-lungs.

     Kari pouted adorably. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I thought the Negg Gazer told you someone with doughnutfruits was behind this?”

     “And we think that you’re behind the information the Negg Gazer gave us!” stated the Shoyru.

     The Negg Faerie grumbled and folded her arms. “You’re really blaming me, aren’t you?”

     “Yep,” said Alice and Topsi in chorus.

     Kari sighed. “Fine, I predictably did it.” And then she cackled. “I kidnapped your head, setup the doughnutfruits, and hid your body – you’ll never get it back!”

     Immediately, Zaira came out of one of the tents. “I’m sorry, Kari, but this has gone on too far! You’re acting like a meanie. I know Topsi is kinda… offputting, at times, but I don’t think you have the right to keep his body chained up and hidden away for eternity, like some run-of-the-mill Rutu.”

     “Aww!” Alice said at the revelation that they had another on their side.

     The Negg Faerie shot her apprentice a look colder than the Ice Caves. “You stay out of this, Zaira.”

     “No!” she called back defiantly. She went into the tent and pushed out Topsi’s body, whose arms and legs were tied up in a chain of tiny Neggs.

     Kari scowled. “No matter. Those chains will never break!” She gave a brief mad giggle.

     Topsi closed his eyes. This situation was becoming too stressful… but he had a connection with his body. His body – now close enough that he could feel the bond. But he needed encouragement.

     The Shoyru somehow sensed this. “Topsi,” Alice whispered in his Cybunny ear. “Feel it – the connection you have with your body. You can do it. Use the power of Neggs.”

     Neopia slowed, as though all energy on the planet was concentrated in this very moment. And then, by the magic of the Festival of Neggs, the Cybunny’s body broke free of its Neggy chains.

     Topsi’s body came, took its head from Alice’s arms, and popped it onto its neck. His head spun around three times to lock into place, and then the Cybunny did a joyful dance. “I am complete again!”

     “Nooooo!” Kari moaned as she sunk to her knees. It had all happened so fast. She sighed, defeated… she should have known better than to entrust the restraint mechanism to Doctor Neggistential.

     The eccentric Blumaroo emerged from another tent. “Oh Neggbreaker!” he cried as he picked up the shattered Negg Chain. He turned toward Kari. “I’m so sorry miss. I thought the chains would hold him whilst I worked on my permanent Topsi-Body Restraint Mechanism from Neggs.”

     “Why wasn’t it done yet? You’ve had weeks!” Kari replied in muted rage.

     The Blumaroo cowered. “It’s hard to build one completely made from Neggs, miss!”

     She growled. “Why didn’t you build one that was made with materials OTHER than Neggs?”

     He flailed. “Because then it wouldn’t be made of Neggs!”

     Kari facepalmed. And then she sat on the ground, her face still buried in her hands. She started to sob.

     “All I wanted was to host the Festival of Neggs,” she cried.

     Topsi and Alice frowned and exchanged uneasy glances.

     “But,” started Topsi gingerly, “I enjoy hosting it too—”

     She looked at the Cybunny with gritted teeth. “Neopians think you’re creepy!” she quickly uttered with a scowl.

     Topsi jumped back, visibly offended. He turned to Alice and said quietly, “And Neopians think I’M the freak.”

     Alice giggled. But then she frowned, optimism growing. “What if,” she began, stepping between Topsi and Kari to act as a bridge, “you helped each other to run the Festival of Neggs?”

     The conflicting parties looked sceptically at her.

     “No, no, I’m serious!” said the Shoyru. “You both obviously love Neggs very much. They are your shared passion. Topsi, you can get overexcited, which can come off as creepy, but you are so amazing at hiding Neggs that sometimes not even the Negg Gazer can find them! And Kari, you were the original face of this Festival. Neopets all over Neopia love your Neggery and think you’re awesome and approachable.” She grinned at the two of them and held out her arms, literally reaching out to them both. “Your skills complement each other. Why be in competition with each other when you could be in collaboration?”

     Kari gave a wicked frown. “Why? Because competition is more fun.” She smirked and pointed at Topsi. “I should never have left you even those doughnutfruits, Topsi. You’re lame, and you know what, your Festival is lame.”

     Topsi started to say something, but Kari interrupted him.

     “Zipper your mouth, T-‘bun. Back when I ran it, the Festival of Neggs was associated with revelry related to the long-expected start of spring. And now it’s associated with creepiness and spring traps. It’s just a good thing you’re not more slender.”

     The Negg Faerie flew off into the sky. “Maybe one day I’ll take this Festival back completely, once and for all, and return it to its amazing state. But for now – later, losers!”

     The two watched her fly away.

     Alice looked at Topsi and laughed sheepishly.

     “Eh, she’ll be back to try and take the Festival,” Zaira said, waving a hand dismissively. “Probably next year. And maybe the year after that. And in increasingly bizarre and nonsensical ways – depends on how many sequels we get.” She looked over at Topsi and Alice and gave a sheepish grin. “Sorry about her behaviour, by the way. This time of the year always leaves her in a bit of a mood.”

     Topsi, too, waved a paw dismissively. “Don’t worry about it, Zaira. I understand.”

     The others soon departed, and it was just Alice and Topsi on the Festival of Neggs main grounds.

     The Cybunny crouched down and looked his apprentice in the eyes. “Alice, this year’s Festival truly would not have been the same without you!” He picked up the young Shoyru and spun her around.

     Her worries faded away and she beamed. “I’m so glad, Topsi! When I came from Mystery Island to look for Neggs, I was laughed at. So, to hear I could directly help means so much to me.”

     “I know.” He winked at her, set her down, and then pulled out three signed Neggs from behind him.

     Alice beamed.

     One, for her, read, “Dear Alice – you are the best little Negg helper ever! Truly aHEAD of the curve! You will always have a place at the Festival any year! ~Topsi”.

     The other two read, “Dear Alice’s Friend – you’re no fun! Come to the Festival of Neggs! Alice had a blast, and I’m sure you will too! She was a big a help – the biggest help a Cybunny could ask for! ~Topsi”.

     “I just hope you don’t have more than two friends,” he said charismatically.

     “No, Mr. Head – er, and Body! This is just amazing, thank you so much!” She placed them in her basket. But then she looked curious up at him. “Wait, you just had those Neggs behind your back this whole time, signed and ready for me? Where’d they come from?”

     Topsi slowly grinned. “Much like the sword master who taught me how to properly use a katana... it’s a secret!” he finished quickly before putting a finger to his lips.

     The two shared a giggle.

     Alice grinned. Topsi really was kind of creepy sometimes.

     “But don’t forget the true meaning of the season,” Topsi cautioned.

     “The death and raising of—?”

     “I meant the Negg Hunt! There are still tons of Neggs hidden around to go out and find!” the Cybunny said as he gestured out into the open fields about Neopia Central. “Go, seek, and be merry.”

     Alice saluted him. “Yes sir!” The Shoyru stepped out and ran around, searching even more vigorously now. This was way, WAY better than some boring beach day. “Thank you so much, Topsi!” she called back to him as she disappeared from his view.

     Topsi grinned. Another lifelong Negg-hunter, he was sure of it. Ah, how he loved this time of the year.

      The End.