Breaking into the Hidden Tower

So what do I suggest to all of my fellow Neopians, who are just dying to get a FQD, or a SoS, or maybe even a SDFQD?

I suggest that you read this article and do read carefully, for I am about to teach you how to...

Break into the Hidden Tower!

It’s easier than it looks, really. Just follow these three easy steps and you’ll be snatching battle dung and rainbow swirly things right out of Fyora’s hands in absolutely no time...

Step 1: The first step of successfully breaking into the Hidden Tower is to get a costume that will let you slip around that rusty old tower unnoticed. Good disguises for you to use would be to paint yourself faerie, so you’d blend in with the crowd and get free access into Fyora’s most coveted VIP hangouts. However, those paint brushes are a bit expensive, and since you’re only doing this because you’re cheap like me, then I don’t really see how any of us would be able to afford a faerie paint brush anyway. So skip that. A better idea would be to paint yourself invisible. You’d be able to sneak into any place very easily, although not being able to see yourself in the mirror may lower your self esteem after a while. And an invisible paint brush could turn out to be rather costly too, so maybe you should just skip this entire step and hope Fyora doesn’t see a normal, average pet stealing one of her items.

Step 2: Now that you’ve got your disguise (or not), you need the right stealing utensils. Yes, it may not be a good idea to just grab one of the items sitting around in the Hidden Tower with your bare hands. You’ll need something that can swipe them up while you keep your distance. I have two suggestions as to what you could do:

The first option would be to get a sticky hand, those Battledome weapons. Some of them are pretty cheap, and I’m sure they’d be amazingly effective. Just toss that sticky hand onto the starry battle dung, pull it back, and well...you’ll have a sticky hand covered in starry battle dung. But it will probably work for the other non-dung items!

The second (and probably better) option would be to simply make your petpet fetch it for you. Do you have a Mallard that’s always bugging you for food, or a Babaa that won’t stop making noise? Those kinds of petpets can get pretty annoying, so make them useful for once! Take the poor thing with you, up into the tower, and send it off to snatch something. Fyora’s a busy faerie, who knows, she may not even notice such a small thing stealing an item worth millions from her. It’s worth a try, and the worse that could happen would be that your petpet would get in trouble, and be promptly fed to Turmaculus.

However, both of those options appear to be very risky. The chances are, someone would probably notice a petpet running away with its owner carrying a stolen Hidden Tower item, or a sticky hand pulling an everlasting apple away from the shelves at a Slorg’s speed. So maybe you should ditch the stealing utensils idea too.

Step 3: Assuming that you now have a great disguise and a stealing utensil, even though I never actually gave you any good examples for either of those, you now are ready to steal a valuable treasure from Fyora’s stock. The only thing left to do now is figure out an escape route. A mob of angry faeries will probably begin to chase after you as soon as they’ve figured out you’ve stolen an item, so you must be prepared for the worst of situations.

It’s a good thing that there’s a window right there in the Hidden Tower. Didn’t think there would be a way to escape from that mob of angry faeries, did you? Well, the window should take care of that. Once you’ve stolen your SDFQD-3000, or whatever it’s called, head straight for the window. The Hidden Tower is about a thousand feet off of the ground, so it may be a bit of a long fall for you, but it’s the best option. Once you reach the ground, you’ll only land on some clouds, or fall through them and plummet down to your doom. But the item is worth the pain, even if that does happen, right?

So, come to think of it, maybe jumping out of the window isn’t such a good idea if you have to plummet down to your doom. Maybe you could do without an escape route, and be Fyora’s slave for the remainder of your life to pay for the item you stole from her. Or you could just return the item and walk out the door, whichever suits you best.

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You have now been unofficially trained for the art of breaking into the Hidden Tower. You have it all right here – tips on getting a successful disguise (warning: could be expensive or useless), wielding your stealing utensil (warning: using a stealing utensil would not actually work, at all), and escaping on a carefree escape route! (Warning: you could die.)

Wow...looking back on the steps I gave you, it actually appears that I haven’t trained you all that much. In fact, it seems like my guidelines have become totally useless, because none of the steps in my plan could actually work. That means that reading this was a complete waste of time...but aren’t you glad you did read it, anyway?