This Interview Isn't Rubbish - Meet the Dung Faerie!

      Neopians rejoice—the “That’s Not Rubbish” avatar has returned! How might you acquire this most coveted of avatars, you might be wondering? Why, nothing simpler than finding a speck of treasure amongst heaps of trash, my friend!

      If you have ever travelled to Meri Acre Farms to try your hand at berry picking, you will have noticed a distinct rotten smell coming from the nearby Meridell Rubbish Dump. The dump is maintained by a kindly Blue Kacheek who will invite you to have a look through the garbage and see if you can find anything interesting. If you find yourself a bottled faerie, Petpet, paintbrush, or apple core, you will be given the “That’s Not Rubbish” avatar to celebrate your good fortune! (Why is the apple core not rubbish? A question for the philosophers of Brightvale…)

      I found myself at the Meridell Rubbish Dump one spring day, having come to dispose of some piles of dung that I acquired from Pick Your Own, and I decided to have a poke around the donations to see what I could find. In amongst the crumbs and seeds, I noticed various dung-related items donated by someone called the Dung Faerie.

      All of Neopia knows of Fyora, Jhudora, and Illusen, but what about the Dung Faerie? I doubt many in Neopia have ever noticed the contributions of this reclusive yet charitable faerie, much less caught a glimpse of her. I had certainly never seen her. And seized by this realization, I became determined to find her.

      I asked the kindly Blue Kacheek if he knew where the Dung Faerie might be found, and though he was somewhat distracted by his efforts to dislodge entangled pieces of barbed wire with his pitchfork, he was able to tell me where she lived—the Tyrannian Jungle! I had supposed her to live in Meridell, but upon further reflection, the sheer volume of dung items to be found in Tyrannia should have clued me in.

      And so I journeyed from the hills of Meridell to the jungles of Tyrannia, getting more than slightly seasick along the way and wondering why the rubbish dump contains piles of dung but not piles of vomit. The natives of Tyrannia were welcoming, though my Acko Ugga was more than a little rusty. After much gesturing and pointing, I was directed past the village of Tyrammet, made in part with dung provided by the Dung Faerie, and into the humid foliage beyond.

      I walked some ways into the jungle, wiping sweat from my brow and wondering if I was on a fool’s errand. Perhaps the Dung Faerie did not exist after all. Perhaps the Blue Kacheek had been playing a trick on me. After all, who would dedicate their life to dung? Worse still, who would dedicate their time to looking for such a person, panting and sweating in the perilous land of Brontos and Gargaraptors? Why wasn’t I content to just grab myself a slice of omelette?

      Just when I had begun to doubt my quest and waiver in my resolve to see it through, a dwelling of mudbrick and dung emerged from the seemingly endless maze of trees and vines. I could scarcely believe my eyes—here was the home of the mysterious Dung Faerie!

      I approached the dwelling, hat in hand, and mustered the courage to knock on her door. I was afraid that I would not be admitted. After all, a person does not confine themselves to the depths of the Tyrannian Jungle if they are seeking company. But much to my relief, the Dung Faerie did not turn me away. She invited me into her home, offered me a cup of Rancid Dung Coffee, and granted me an interview (on the condition that I do not provide details of her appearance or directions to her humble abode).

      You are a difficult lady to find—thank you very much for granting me an interview. What made you willing to talk to me today?

      You were curious enough to find me. Most people do not take much notice of me, and if they do, they do not take an interest. At first glance, dung does not seem interesting. But I hope that this interview will capture the interest of your readers long enough for them to take a second look at dung.

      Of all of the substances available to you as a faerie—earth, fire, air, water, etc.—what made you chose dung as your medium?

      I was originally planning to be an earth faerie, but my companions in the study of earth magic were more interested in the art of budding and blooming whereas I was fascinated by fertilization. Everyone wants to stop and smell the roses, but many turn their noses from the smell of the dung that allows the flowering plants to grow strong. I realized the few people understood the importance of dung and the vital part that it plays in our lives, so I decided to dedicate my life to making it more appreciated.

      Why did you choose to live in Tyrannia rather than Faerie City or even Meridell?

      The natives of Tyrannia were more receptive to my mission. Faerie City was once above the ground, high in the clouds, far above the stench of dung and unable to see its virtues. Perhaps that has changed now that the city is literally more grounded. The farmers of Meridell use dung as fertilizer for crops, but they were not as open to the full potential of dung. Tyrannia is an older, earthier land. They burn dung as fuel, undeterred by the scent. And I figured that if they were already making furniture and food from bones and stones, why would they not be open to using dung?

      Do you find that dung is useful in food as well?

      Not for nutritional purposes, but it has a very distinctive taste. See it as a seasoning. I am able to purify dung, make it safe to eat. I have not yet figured out how to make it nutritious, but I am not giving up!

      You certainly have a creative approach to and view of dung. What dung item are you most proud of having created?

      I am most proud of my Dung Bathtub. The bathtub is not dirty and will not make a Neopian dirtier. Dung can be made clean if it is prepared correctly.

      You seem to prefer to remain on the edge of Neopian society. How do you plan to spread your message about the uses of dung to your fellow Neopians?

      I have published two books on the subject: Compost Dung Right and How It’s Dung. You can find both at the Meridell Rubbish Dump. It is rather difficult to get the official Neopian shop owners to carry them, being that they are published on paper that is made primarily of dung, but many Neopians carry the books in their own shops. I am hoping the write a third book soon.

      I am sorry that the official Neopian shop owners are not willing to carry your books. It seems rather odd, seeing some of the shop owners are dipping their toes into the realm of dung. You can buy a Double Dung Hot Dog and Herbert’s Hot Dog Stand. You can buy a Buzz Dung Cone and Neopian Fresh Foods. You can even be painted “Dung” or paint your Petpet “Dung” at the Rainbow Pool. Does it upset you that many look down upon your efforts while finding ways to make Neopoints off of them?

      When the official Neopian shop owners came to me and asked me to help them develop some dung products, I was a little upset at first. These same people once relegated the sale of dung items to Tyrannia, that prehistoric land that they are too inclined to see as backwards. But I was hopeful too. Anything that helps spread awareness about the uses of dung is a good thing. I agreed to help them—for a fee, of course. A faerie cannot live on dung alone!

      Do you believe that other young faeries might follow your path and learn the ways in which what others consider waste can be made clean and incorporated into our everyday lives?

      I certainly hope so! I have been able to make advances in dung magic, but I am only one faerie. The more magic that can be applied to this humble substance, the better. And if more faeries would embrace dung as a useful and workable medium, perhaps more Neopians would be willing to do so as well.

      Thank you again for speaking to me today. Do you have a final thought or piece of advice that you would like to share?

      Nothing and no one is unworthy of being cared for and about. Be creative and be kind!