Feepits: Will they REALLY save us from the Meepits?

If you’re like most Neopians, right now you’ll be screaming that the Almighty Feepits will save us. But if you’re not normal, which I can tell by that ugly face of yours; you’ll be wondering what a “Meepit” and a “Feepit” are. So, I’ve taken the pleasure of telling you about them so you’ll understand. And listen up, ‘cause I’m only gonna tell ya once!

Meepit- A Meepit is a spooky petpet, a strange one. It has huge eyes that seem to be always staring at you. The Meepit has pink fur, a fluffy pink tail, and sparkly-white buck teeth. When you add all of those details together, it just screams SCARY! Meepits are considered to be the scariest petpet of all time, and people have said that they have brainwashed them. Spooky, eh?

Feepit- A Feepit, on the other hand, is a happy-go-lucky little petpet. It has normal-sized eyes. It has Blue Fur with white dots, and an extra-sized bushy tail. Feepits squeals cute. But, do we what a cute petpet saving Neopia? Do we want to see the cute petpets fight crime? For Fyora’s sake, DO WE WANT OUR CHILDREN TO BE ADDICTED TO MAKING THEMSELVES LOOK CUTE? *cough* I went a little overboard there, but yes, we all want a cute ‘lil petpet to be our Hero. Not.

So, now we know what they are. But now you’re wondering why the Hero will be a Feepit. Why not a cute Noil or a spiffy Swabby? Well, let’s just say that the Feepits want er, revenge on the Meepits. The Meepits said the Feepits’ tails were ugly, so the Feepits said the Meepits’ eyes were large as bowling balls. Then the Meepits said the Feepits’ had beady eyes like Tigermice, and so on. Stupid thing to fight over, I know, but hey. It’s their problem, not ours!

I’ve also taken the pleasure of writing down the Feepits’ stats. So take a long look, we want to know how strong and quick our little cute hero is, don’t we? *whispers* Hopefully after you read this you won’t find the Feepits so.... cute.

Height- A Feepit is around 30cm in height. This may be small, but don’t insult one just because of its height! I once did, and that cute little Feepit sank its teeth into my arm! Whoops, did I say “Arm?” I meant apple. Ha ha, funny, eh? *forces smile on face*

Weight- A Feepit typically weighs around five pounds. Sometimes it can weigh up to fifty, but that’s only if it ate too many human--Forget I said anything.

Strength- A Feepit is a wimp without its teeth and brain-controlling abilities. There, I said it! Wimpy, wimpy Feepits! *Mysterious beady eyes start glowing* J-just joking. A Feepit can hold triple its height and weight! How s-strong! *Beady eyes disappear* Whew, that was a close one. *shudders*

Defense- A Feepit is like a brick wall! It has very good defense skills, especially when its large and very pointy teeth come into defense mode. Trust me on the pointy part. *Whispers* I’m not kidding.

Speed- A Feepit can outrace Moogi! Its stubby little feet can keep going faster and faster, which isn’t a good thing if they’re coming to get you....

Intelligence- Well, I once saw a Feepit munching on some wonderful stale dung. Does that explain everything?

So, that’s basically their stats. Now I shall explain some of their personality. So, take a deep breath, we’re about to explore the wonders of a Feepit’s personality!

Friendly- Of course our heroes are friendly! They are just about the friendliest creatures of Neopia! Like, they would never EVER EVER be mean! Of course they love everybody... who serves their evil purposes. *sighs* But don’t worry! Even if you don’t serve them you get a free piece of paper! Salted, or unsalted! Generous, aren’t they?

Trusty- You can always trust a Feepit! They will never do you any harm! *cough* I’m lying. *cough* Oh, and the time when the Feepits supposedly stole ten Meridell crossbows for an unknown buyer from the Hidden Tower, that was just a hoax! *laughs nervously while looking at ten crossbows in glass case*

Happy- Like, a Feepit is like, so totally happy! They will like, always play with you, and like, always be your friend! That’s why they are like, our heroes! So like, buy on today! Totally! *Holds up thumbs*

So, we’ve explored their personality and stats! Hopefully you have changed your mind about them. And if you haven’t, I’ll explain it to you. *clears throat* One day, WE WILL ALL SERVE THE ALMIGHTY FEEPITS! WE WILL! WE WILL, I TELL YOU! *takes in deep breath* So, have you gotten the point yet? You have? Good. And I’m sincerely sorry for the scared Neopians right now, but it’s about time we all learned the truth! It’s about time I unleash the truth! It’s about time that we battle the Feepits! We will make an army of ten thousand, or maybe even more! I’ve been in the Feepits’ secret underground lair, and it’s cold! So if you’re coming, bring a jacket!

Oh, so now you’re wondering what they eat and drink? Good, just good. Now, you’re likely to fall off your chair when you read this list. Hold on tight, or better yet, tape yourself to the chair! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride!

What They Eat- A Feepit will only eat meat. Some of its favorites include: Spooky Handwich, Brain Kebab, Tongue Wrap, and Eyeball Fungus. Feepits basically will eat anything that has human in it. Oh, and they like to slurp down bugs like worms. So, what do you think of you’re little heroes now?

What They Drink- A Feepit will only drink something with human or neopet in it. However, as I mentioned, they enjoy eating creepy-crawlies. Oh, and don’t forget Dr. Backwash! They love that foul drink. Some of the favorites include: Wormy Slushie, Chilled Eyeball Custard, and Skeith Juice Cocktail. Yes, they even DRINK Humans and Neopets!

Now you know the horrible secret! It’s almost unbelievable! But sadly, it’s true. So true. Oh, and if you’re still not convinced that the Feepits are the Villains, perhaps my exclusive interview with Rose, a Feepit, will change your mind! Why, here she is!

Me: Why hello Rose! I’m so glad you made it! But you’re fifteen minutes late! What happened? I mean, my Audience was waiting for you to come!

Rose: I’m like, so like, sorry ‘bout that! You see, we were like, havin’ a huge barbecue and like, the others wanted me to stay! So like, I ate as fast as I like, could! Mmm, that Roast Human was simply like, delicious!

Me: R-roast human? *Shifts nervously in seat* So uh, Rose, that sounds... different. Anyways, what do you think about the Meepits?

Rose: I like, hate them! They are like, so jealous just because we like, blown up a part of Faerieland like, before them! And they’re always like, talking about how like, our Human & Neopet Cookbook recipes’ are like, fattening! Truth is, they’re mad ‘cause like, they don’t eat human nor neopet anymore! They are like, so annoying!

Me: They’ve given up human and neopet? *sighs happily* I see. Well, since I asked you a question or two, you can ask me one. It can be just about anything!

Rose: Okay! I’ve got like, one simple question! I like, already like, know the answer!

Me: What’s the question?

Rose: Do you like Feepits, or like, Meepits better?

Me: Wha-what? *glances nervously at clock* Well I uh, don’t really uh, know about that.

Rose: Like, just answer truthfully! It’s like, a totally easy question! Do you like us Feepits, who are very cute and like, are excellent cooks while dealing with like, humans; or do you like those big-eyed Meepits who like, don’t eat meat?

Me: In that case, I guess it’s *whispers* the........

Rose: Yes?

Me: The.............

Rose: Yes? YES?

Me: THE MEEPITS! *shivers*

Rose: WHAT? HOW LIKE, DARE YOU LIKE THE MEEPITS LIKE, BETTER! Guards? Guards! Get over here with like, that enormous bag and start like, Code Red!

Me: What? What’s Code Red? *Gets shoved into Bag* You can’t do this to me! You’re not taking me! I’ll scream, and someone will call the Cops! I’m going to screa—

Guards: *Throws Multiple laugh grenades into bag*

Me: Noooooooo! *goes into laughing fit and loses control*

Rose: There you are, Neopians! This Author is like, history! It’s too late now to like, stop you from knowing, but we’ll like, still be the ultimate Villains of Neopia! And I’ve like, got eight words for like, you: Buy a Feepit or suffer the Author’s fate! Goodbye for like, now! *leaves in a beam of light*

A horrible note from the Author: Don’t worry about what happened; I’m safe. I’m currently in the Feepits’ secret underground lair. Anyways, nothing can stop the Feepits. Except.... for the Meepits! Listen, I want you to assemble a huge team of Meepits! They will fight the Feepits, and hopefully win. They will try to attack with Laugh Grenades, so be prepared or you’ll lose control for a couple hours. Kinda like what happened to me. Anyways, just stop reading and find the Meepits! Get off your behind and find those Meepi- No! The Feepits are back! And they have laugh grenades! No! *laugh grenades fall on Author* Save *ha ha* your- *ha ha ha* selves!