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NEOBOARDS - FREE NEOPOINTS! Now that I have got your attention, I would like to
talk about the wacky world of those evil what-you-call-them?! Avatars, that’s
it!
What is an Avatar? An "avatar" is an icon or representation of a user that
are invading everywhere on Neopets. An avatar gives you more intelligence, bright
eyes, a bushy tail and charisma. Yeah, in your wildest dreams, I lied about
that last sentence.
First, they haunted the chatboards then they slowly moved over to the guildboards.
Where will they appear next!?! Avatar printed Neohome toilet paper? A picture
for a day on every sheet. The mind wanders..
Avatars are even messing with my Space Station gadget that checks spelling in
documents. For the hundred time, you silly thing I’m not talking about the people
who play Skies Over Meridell.
Phew. Now that I have got that off my chest. I’ll get to the real point of hand.
Neopians are swooning over them like they were a decent Tyrannian rock band.
I’d rather on the other hand, listen non-stop to that screeching Shoyru in Twisted
Roses.
Also it seems collecting avatars are the new way of turning broke in Neopia.
I have seen quite a few friends selling their galleries to get Neopoints to
afford some of the more expensive avatars. If you have 58 of them, you can’t
show them off all at once.
What is the fuss about avatars? A few pixels on a computer screen! Yawn. Personally,
I don’t see the fascination myself. I’m here to explain my epic battle between
girl and avatar.
Recently, people on the chatboards turned into a bunch of birdbrains shouting
out ‘Squawk!’ as if they were in an audience watching a Christmas pantomime.
This happened every few seconds with people convincing a Plushie Eyrie to take
place in their avatar space. Really, wouldn’t it be easier to leave out some
Cheesy Neos? (The food, we can’t let anything happen to justduckygal.)
How humiliating was getting the ‘Taught the Pant Devil’ Avatar? Trying to
get this cheeky little devil! Either post ‘Bring it on, Pant!’ on the Battledome
chats. Or you can stand still and wait for him to strike by refreshing like
crazy until he appears. When he does, stick your tongue out at him and say the
words ‘Panter’s gotta a big bum!’ Then run as fast as you can all the way to
your home base.
Or alternatively, you could place a Bent Fork on a string and sit above your
inventory. When the Pant Devil attacks, you pull the Bent Fork away. Got ya!
How do you like them, apples? (In apple sauce, of course.)
Please gimme a Green Uni Morphing potion, Peach Jelly and a Slugroot! Come
on! Pretty please! I’ll give it back, even though you don’t know me from a bar
of Peophin Soap and my only assets are in Bottles of Sand!
(Man, I sound so convincing! I could go pro! Do you think I could get into Profession
Chatboard Begging as a job at the Faerieland Employment Agency?)
Cries and desperate pleads across the boards. Free Jhuidah! What she ever
done for me?! Roll her back out to the ocean. Nah, I’m just kidding! She’s cool.
I’m smelly! I stink my inventory with dung which you wait to drop from your
pet or from the Shop Wizard. Whatever floats your boat. To be sitting and doing
nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Above the dung droppings.
Is your dignity worth this avatar? You’ll reek for the next week.
Argh! This screams ye ole very too much time on ye hands to find 4 avatars!
You’ll pretty much washed up at sea- resulting in having a wishy-washy personality.
Argh, come to think of it are there chatboards on Krawk Island and in the middle
of the open sea? Who needs avatars there?
Here’s the problem: Your Neopet decides to drink a Transmogrification Potion
to get this Mutant JubJub avatar thingy-mingy-bob. Your response.
“AHHHHHH!!!!! GO BACK TO THE SEWERS!!! That's a face only a mother or Sloth
could love.” Complete rejection.
Guys, you better pull out that tux and ‘borrow’ (using that term very loosely)
some roses from your next-door neighbour’s Neogarden. Woe Capara off her feet
with some cheating moves, have tea with the queen Fyora and complete a few meaningless
chores/quests (its all the same thing) for Jhudora.
Then learn the art of grovelling. Also known as sweet talk, buttering up, brown
nosing, bribery and mind control. Not that I would know, yeah right.
I have been refreshing this blooming Trap Door for the Meerouladen/Heermeedjet
Avatar for what seems like donkey’s years. 100 refreshes later, Heermeedjet
and Meerouladen (Or should be shorten that to H.A.M?) both come around casually
drinking cans of Neocola and say straight to my face “You don’t look like a
worthy opponent, so we won’t bother challenging you.”
“Just because I’m a girl. Is that it?”
I accidentally knock one of them over slightly and they topple down through
the trap door. I grin and respond “Should I close the trap door or can you put
up with the draught?”
Hoarders Unite for the Borovan/Adam Avatar! With 15,020,906 Neopoints. No
repayments until 6 months. Interest free! All this avatar costs is you a sugar
donut, your ‘I love Donna Guild’ membership and a piece of Asparagus.
“Get stuffed! Yeah, that goes to the rest of you plushies!”
My miserable failure to grasping the hang of Plushie Tycoon. Can’t these plushies
make themselves? My username is plushieowner, so I guess it was my destiny to
become a well known Usuki Doll maker.
Take from the Tiki Tack Man’s codestone supply at Tombola. Grab one of each
type and run for your life. Hope you like being thwapped my giant palm fans!
(Warning, results may vary. I’m not responsible for Tiki Keyring cuts. )
You know what is bugging me?! Enter the Mootix Avatar, thanks Neo. I know
I can’t. This Mootix I own is really being a pest because it refuses to attach
to my Usuki Usul’s Babith. He says he has petpet rights. He wants to travel
the world, not to be stuck on some Neopet’s petpet. As a itch-hiker?
Compulsive gambler? You won’t want to roll ‘Cobrall Eyes’ for this game. Score
24 in Bilge Dice or get a winning streak in Bilge Dice get an avatar. Whoopee
do! Let me stand on my head and do cartwheels to celebrate.
It's no better than the Deadly Dice Avatar. Talk about the raw end of the stick.
You can lose this avatar if the game is played again and you lose after drawing
for the first throw with Count Von Roo.
You expect me to be pretty, smart and as well as to be FUNNY?!? Hold your
Unis. Has Neopia flipped 360 degrees while I was away? You really reckon I can
make King Skarl crack up? (Maybe if I pulled Jeran’s armour down around his
ankles. Just kidding!) I rest my case, the Jester Avatar is a no go zone for
me.
Sarah the Zafara thinks I don’t know a thing about avatars. She thinks I’m
going to embarrass myself by asking a stupid question in the Help Section. I
know what an avatar is, wait until I put this article in her face when it is
published as proof. As if, I can hold up as an advice columnist. I don’t need
her help. Or an Avatar with her face on it.
Or if I’m honest, I wonder if
the help section has anything about running away from avatars.
Follow the bouncing balls (Zurroballs, that is) and maybe you can earn yourself
this avatar for a high game score. If you can bare the sight of snot (snotballs,
let me finish) and eyeballs popping up everywhere.
All you need is one WereLupe (Halloween Lupe) and stubborn determination.
Tiptoe over your Lupe to grab the Lupe’s chest hair. You may ask why shouldn't
you grab a WereLupe by its tail?
It might be the WereLupe's tail but it could be the end of you. Chia Chow?
Sticks N Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. What if their
rock music corrupts your mind and you break a guitar on your foot. Ouch! Not
groovy at all, man!
Blue Evil Fuzzle: 5k
Average cost of an Hidden Tower Item: 1000k
Bite on your behind from a savage WereLupe: Priceless. (And half of your pay
packet gone from the days off you have taken.)
There’s some things in Neopia you can’t buy -- for everything else there’s
the Shop Wizard.
To recap, the evils of avatars in two sentences. Twinkle, twinkle little avatar.
I see how much of a waste of points you are.
Author’s Note: Your welcome to drop me a Neomail regarding my ‘When
Avatars Attack’ article. Like avatars or hate avatars? I would love to hear
people’s opinions.
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