Interviwing Hannah and Armin

Hammie: Er... hi.

Armin: Hello! Hannah told me you were going to interview us because we’re like all cool and famous and stuff and we get treasure so we have lots of money and we don’t share it we just keep it for ourselves and that’s why we’re rich and everything and we have our own game it’s called—

Hannah: *Smack*

Armin: Thanks.

Hammie: So... what’s it like to have your own game?

Hannah: It’s... alright. I suppose. It can get tiring after a while.

Armin: Especially when the players bang their keyboards in frustration and accidentally throw one of us off a cliff or... bounce us into spikes...

Hammie: Heh...

*Awkward silence*

Hammie: Anyway, back to the game – Hannah and the Ice Caves. What would be your least favorite level?

Hannah: *Smacks her head against the wall* Zig... zag...

Hammie: Yeah, I thought so. So, what’s it like to be controlled by someone’s keyboard?

Armin: It’s okay. As long as they don’t intentionally drown me out of frustration.

Hammie: Heh... Moving on. Hannah, what’s it like to be in not only one, but two games?

Hannah: It’s a nightmare. Have YOU ever tried to be in two places at once? You have to travel back and forth when someone wants to play! And while running from the Pirate Caves to the Ice Caves you begin to get cold! So I put on my coat and mittens and I have to enter the frigid Ice Caves and do all the work while Armin here— ... Never mind.

Hammie: Right. Anyway, I’ve always wondered what it’s like to jump into water in the Ice Caves. I mean, isn’t it cold?

Hannah: *Nods* It’s even worse than the water in the Pirate Caves.

Armin: She caught pneumonia five times.

Hannah: Seven.

Hammie What’s it like to jump into a stalagmite or a stalactite?

Hannah Well, there’s this sharp pain, and then everything turns black, and when you wake up the player makes you keep going. Those things hurt! Have you ever been forced to—

Hammie: Alright, alright. I get it.

Armin: Not to mention the bumps on our heads.

Hammie: I see. Well, you must enjoy having a special TCG expansion just for you guys, right?

Hannah: Nyeeh. It’s alright. Just attracts more attention to our game, which goes back to what I said before about putting on my coat and mittens and trying to enter the frigid Ice Caves to do all the work while Armin just—

Armin: *Smack*

Hammie: Ahem. Right. How well do you two get along?

Hannah: Ehh... We try to work cooperatively, but usually after five minutes, we’re at each other’s throats.

Armin: It’s true.

Hammie: I wouldn’t expect anything less. Apparently, I found out that the species of Usul and Bori don’t get along well. I guess that information is true. So, what do you do in your spare time?

Hannah: I brag about every little thing I’ve ever done in my life to the pirates down on Krawk Island.

Hammie: Of course you do. What about you, Armin?

Armin: I build and destroy empires.

Hammie: Rooooiiiiight.

Armin: No, really, it’s true!

Hammie: Anything else you’d like to say?

Hannah: Yes! One time, I was exploring the Pirate Caves, valiantly risking my life for the good of myself. I was searching for this extremely rare and high point scoring gem somewhere in the old cavern. It was called by many the Mermaid’s Tear. I executed a perfect jump, landing on my paws just so. All of a sudden I head footsteps... the footsteps of pirates.

Armin: Hannah...

Hannah: So I ran, nimbly dodging potential threats with ease. Another perfect jump up a few ledges... and I hid myself in an indent in the wall, thinking quickly. The footsteps were getting closer...

Armin: This is an interview, not a time to tell us your life story!

Hannah: A close call, of course, but my excellent thinking prevailed. The pirates trailed off into the distance, and I jumped down into a pool of water. It was ice cold; I shivered but pressed on. I had to succeed for the good of myself. I opened my eyes and saw the gem!

Armin: She does this quite often.

Hammie: I thought so.

Hannah: I swam as quickly as I could toward the gleaming green light. There were coins littering the ground as well. Although I grabbed a few of them, the gem was what I really strove for. I kept swimming... I was running out of breath... I grasped it in my hands... I couldn’t breathe... I kicked off the bottom, soaring to the top of the water... I couldn’t think clearly... And I broke the top of the water, gasping for breath, the prize clutched in my paws!

Hammie: Hannah, please...

Hannah: But, alas, it was not over.

Armin: Wouldn’t we just read the Neopedia if we wanted to hear this? There’s no incessant bragging in that.

Hammie: Exactly.

Hannah: I heard a noise – whirled around... pirates! It was my own uncle Bloodhook. He tried to take the gem—the Mermaid’s Tear—from me! I ducked nimbly, I dodged smartly. His sword came crashing down...

Hammie: *Looks at the clock*

Armin: You were the one who asked, “Anything else you’d like to say?” so it’s technically your fault.

Hannah: I ran, arrows pelting just a hair behind me. I was too quick. I ducked and wove through enemies and other threats – I jumped into a small chamber with many barrels labeled Caution: Black Powder. I took flint and tinder, and... well... the rest is history.

Hammie: Is it over yet?

Hannah: Well, I suppose it is, but wouldn’t you like to hear all about the time where I—

Hammie and Armin: NO!!

Hammie: Eh... thank you both for the interview. I really have to be going now. Really. Well, I guess I’ll see you two in the Ice Caves!

And to our audience... Thank you for joining us for our interview! I hope you enjoyed it!