Illusen: Good, or Not So Much?

As far as faeries go, at least in the popular imagination, she’s definitely on the “good” end of the good versus evil spectrum, but let’s be honest: is that really where she belongs? Case in point, Illusen has been long-regarded as the rival, the better half if you will, of Jhudora the Dark Faerie, but when we take a closer look at what it is, exactly, that she does, it becomes quickly apparent that the two aren’t that different. Except for, you know, the burning desire to smelt Faerieland into a thousand rotting pieces and poison everything she can get her hands on with delicious-looking lollipops. That’s all another conversation entirely, and one I’m going to pretend doesn’t exist.

Ah hem. Moving on.

Do me a favor real quick, and catch a boat over to Faerieland (since it’s crashed you can do that now) and march yourself up to Jhudora’s Bluff. Poke around a moment and take a few notes about what you see. You don’t have to write down anything about the smoke and the awful stench and the strange purple mess of... is that cloud? It can’t be. That’s not the important thing. In fact, I’ve changed my mind. There’s no need to go to Jhudora’s Bluff at all. I’ll make you a list of the things you’ll find there:

1. A Dark Faerie. Well, come on now, what did you really expect, Fyora?

2. Promises of Power. “I have what you REALLY need... magical artifacts of ultimate power!” Complete with an extra dose of ultimate.

3. Quests. Oh yes. Of course ULTIMATE POWER comes with a price.

4. The option not to accept the quest, but who can honestly say they’ve resisted the temptation. And I don’t mean after the first one. I mean at all. Raise your hand if you’ve never, ever taken Jhudora up on her offer of ULTIMATE POWER. Yep, that’s what I thought.

5. Items that, even if you could afford them (which you can’t), you sure couldn’t find in sixteen minutes. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m sure there are a handful, maybe, on the Trading Post, and depending on how they’re displayed, you might even be able to touch one or two of them. But, there’s absolutely no way you’re going to get a message to the owner in time. She’s probably been poisoned by one of those afore-mentioned lollipops.

6. Failure. Eventually everyone succumbs. Be glad she only sends you back to start.

Now, hop on over to Illusen’s Glade (unchanged, as it turns out, by the fall of Faerieland; lucky girl) and poke around a bit. It certainly doesn’t smell as evil. The Pteris are chirping, the sun is shining... oh wait. It does smell awful, but that’s just heaps of dung, not a caustic I-don’t-want-to-know-what-this-is mess of purple stuff. The only thing that Illusen emphasizes is that she doesn’t want to waste TOO much of your time, but, guess what? You’re still going to spend those 16 minutes in absolute agony, flash writing the same memo over and over to every owner of Item X that you can find in all of Neopia. Does < 30 minutes mean you’ll get it in time? Let’s recap quickly:

1. An Earth Faerie. Well, come on now, what did you really expect, the Darkest Faerie?

2. Subtle Hints of Power. Sure, they’re not plastered over every inch of the Glade in posters brighter than Nova Sofas, but there’s a wand there that looks mighty powerful. I’d bet that it has the same stats as the one Jhudora offers if you manage, somehow, (and you won’t) to complete all 50 of her quests.

3. Quests. They won’t take up TOO much of your time.

4. The option not to accept the quest. I’ll be completely honest here, I find it much easier to resist the temptation of Illusen’s quests. She doesn’t strike me as the all-or-nothing type. I’d ask everyone who’s never done a quest for her to raise your hand, but I know there would be a hand or two and it would defeat my purpose, so I won’t. Keep your hand down! Yes, you in the back, enough of that!

5. Items that, even if you could afford them (which you can’t), you sure couldn’t find in sixteen minutes. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m sure there are a handful, maybe, on the Trading Post and, depending on how they’re displayed... yeah, you’re right, I’m just padding my word count now.

6. Failure. And she’s so angry when you don’t come back in time!

Wait, are those trees at Jhudora’s Bluff. Well, I’ll be. Even the Dark Faerie has given in to some greenery in her purple-mess-filled life.

As you can see, the two rivals aren’t really rivals at all, more like two faces of the same coin. Err... what a bad analogy. They both offer quests, easing you into a false sense of security, creating in your heart of hearts a false, swelling sense of hope about nabbing a Wand of the Dark Faerie all your own with minimum effort, and then they smash your dreams into dust (kinda like Faerieland, huh?). Turns out that < 30 minutes might mean that the auction doesn’t end for 29 minutes.

All this fails to take into account that these items are expensive. By “fails to take into account” I mean “takes into account, but not directly.” Sure, Illusen’s Staff is worth millions upon millions (probably enough to nearly finish off my NeoDeck), but you’re also going to spend millions upon millions trying to get one. I’ve quested for Illusen more than once in my lifetime and I hate to say it, but I’ve never even gotten to Honey Potion without hitting an unbuyable. I stand corrected. I’ve never even gotten to Honey Potion.

In summary, it’s safe to say that Illusen enjoys tormenting the citizens of Neopia just as much as her tree house buddy (even though they’re in different tree houses) in the clouds does. Expensive quests, heart-wrenching failure.

Oh, and Illusen pretends to get mad when you fail. I think it’s high time we re-evaluate where this “good” earth faerie stands on the grand scale of good versus evil.