Hotel Report

COCKROACH TOWERS (5 NP) This hotel…uh…place to stay is a dingy, deserted tower with dark, empty corridors, leading to dusty little dungeons, with a rock bed, dung bedside table and no lighting except for a little barred window with no glass and the large crack between the door, which is nearly falling off its hinges. It is infested with roaches. The floors are cold hard stone just like the walls and the roof. No electricity or hot water. Some past guests believe that the rooms are haunted.

RESTAURANT: Small, squashy room, infested with flies, old food sometimes a dead cockroach or two accidentally put inside. Food is served from 11am-3pm

BURGER BAR: Burgers are old pieces of food from the restaurant all mashed together! FITNESS CENTER: Consists of a log with rocks on the end for weights and a peeling, dented bike.

NEOPIAN TIMES DELIVERY: Previous days paper scrounged from the bin, takes up to 2 days to be delivered.

MAID SERVICE: Ugly Usukis with no manners, and no skill in cleaning. EN-SUITE BATHROOM: Hole in the ground to go to the toilet on and no where to wash your hands. No shower or bath.

JACUZZI/SPA: 12km walk to the nearest hot spring and it’s not even that hot. GROOMING: Using a spiky, green hairbrush and used soapy, cold water.

SWIMMING POOL: Located in the fitness center, a small ditch in the ground filled with sewerage water.

TENNIS COURTS: Old, raggedy, fallen volleyball net on the grass, BYO rackets and ball

SAUNA: Sitting on benches around a lit fire in a small room with no windows LAUNDRY FACILITIES: You have to wash your own clothes with some soapy water and hang them on a tree to dry.

OVERALL RATING: -3 out 10

FLEAPIT MOTEL (10 NP) Not much better than Cockroach Towers, Fleapit is located in a derelict office building, the floors is just moth-eaten carpet. Each room consists of a straw bed with a matching table, candles for lights. A small wooden wardrobe is inside each room, too. The lighting on the wooden roof is a flickering flea-repellant light that hardly lights up the room.

RESTAURANT: Indoors with small patio, food is served from 7am-7pm; food is moderately cooked as there is little electricity in this motel.

BURGER BAR: Serves drinks, burgers, chips and sandwiches. Some food is stale. Open 12 hours.

FITNESS CENTER: 1 treadmill, 1 stationary bicycle and 1 weightlifting bar.

NEOPIAN TIMES DELIVERY: Not always available, but usually it is. The papers are up to date and in good condition.

MAID SERVICE: Uncommunicative Uni’s, not to highly skilled but good enough.

EN-SUITE BATHROOM: Proper toilet, but does not flush, maids clean out the toilets. Cold water showers, sometimes flood the room. wash hands in the shower. JACUZZI/SPA: Plastic tub, filled with hot water with hot coals placed underneath. GROOMING: Proper equipment but not a very high standard.

SWIMMING POOL: Small pool, no bars or steps, only 75cm deep.

TENNIS COURTS: Wooden ground, but with no lines, a few rackets, no balls, net is somewhat fallen.

SAUNA: Fire used to produce steam which is then let go in the room. Reasonable benches.

LAUNDRY FACILITIES: 1 washing machine, currently broken, 1 washing line for hanging clothes. Do it yourself.

OVERALL RATING: -1 out of 10

CHEAP MOTEL (20 NP) 12 small rooms each with in-built fan, a hard dung bed, a straw desk, a wooden wardrobe, a dung bedside table and a spooky lamp. The wooden walls have peeling paint on them and the carpet is a stiff and itchy carpet. Sometimes the roof drips. Compared to Cockroach Towers and Fleapit, this is luxury!

RESTAURANT: 6am-8pm, small variety of different foods from Neopia Central

BURGER BAR: Average burger bar, makes reasonable food.

FITNESS CENTER: average exercise equipment, Neocola machine for refreshments. NEOPIAN TIMES DELIVERY: Latest newspapers in good condition.

MAID SERVICE: Okay service, rooms are cleaned weekly

EN-SUITE BATHROOM: Normal toilet with no lid, 1 in 10 times it doesn’t flush properly, easily clog. Taps are disgraceful, and showers have hot water for about 1 minute.

JACUZZI/SPA: Large bath used as hot tub, water changed weekly

GROOMING: Average equipment, but not too pleasurable.

SWIMMING POOL: medium to small, pool water cleaned out monthly

TENNIS COURTS: Wooden ground with faded lines, ball and racket supplied, although not of very good quality, net is fine with some holes in it.

SAUNA: Small room with steamed air coming out from the roof. But there are open windows and cracks in the door that removes the heat.

LAUNDRY FACILITIES: 1 washing machine, 5 washing lines. Do it yourself or pay extra for the maids to do it.

OVERALL RATING: 2 out of 10

MOUNTAIN LODGE (30 NP) Cold rooms with a small stone fireplace, walls are made of hard logs. Floor is wooden. There is a dried bamboo bed to sleep on, a bamboo desk and chair and two wooden bedside tables with working lamp. There are also one or two small glass windows with curtains, very cozy.

RESTAURANT: Decent, filling food, food is fresh, but does not last long

BURGER BAR: Cooking area is not very clean, some rats live in it, but other than that the food is wholesome

FITNESS CENTER: Highly organized but not much business, there is no heating system or fireplace so it is cold

NEOPIAN TIMES DELIVERY: Latest newspapers in good condition.

MAID SERVICE: Rooms cleaned every five days, but it is believed some items are stolen by the maids

EN-SUITE BATHROOM: Normal toilet, with lid and proper flush, taps all work and showers have temporary hot water

JACUZZI/SPA: Proper hot tub, but water is not always changed

GROOMING: Fair equipment, guests would receive some pleasure

SWIMMING POOL: Medium-sized rectangle-shaped pool, cleaned monthly, but sometimes it’s frozen over!

TENNIS COURTS: Concrete ground but with no lines, balls and rackets supplied, net is in good condition but has a small sag in the middle.

SAUNA: Not very good sauna facilities, steam is unable to be made, so there is an underground fire, which heats the room,

LAUNDRY FACILITIES: Maids happily do your laundry, but do not have any where to hang it, so you have to hang it in your own room, 2 washing machines

OVERALL RATING: 3.5 out of 10

YE OLDE SHIP INN (40 NP) This inn is not bad, but it is not good either. The hallways look like inside a ship, the walls are wooden and the flooring is yellow carpet. Each room has a coconut bed, a wooden desk and two coconut chairs; there is a wardrobe, two beanbags and a coffee table. Fan on the roof and a small heater.

RESTAURANT: Specializes in sea food, open 7am-7pm

BURGER BAR: Makes a variety of burgers, fries and drinks, open 7am-7pm

FITNESS CENTER: Average fitness equipment, Neocola machine and cold showers.

NEOPIAN TIMES DELIVERY: Latest newspapers in good condition

MAID SERVICE: Ignorant Ixi’s that clean rooms every 3 days.

EN-SUITE BATHROOM: Clean toilets with lids and proper flush, hot and cold showers

JACUZZI/SPA: Overcrowded hot tub with no bubbles or heat.

GROOMING: Good equipment and one expensive masseuse.

SWIMMING POOL: Large pool, with no steps.

TENNIS COURTS: Concrete ground, with lines, balls and rackets supplied, net in good condition.

SAUNA: Separate room with steam coming from the ground, no windows.

LAUNDRY FACILITIES: 5 washing machines, 5 washing lines, maids happily do the washing for you.

OVERALL RATING: 5 out of 10

HOTEL OPERA (50 NP) This is where the hotels become more upper class. Hotel Opera is an eye-catching building made of beautiful reddish brown bricks built on the edge of a dangerous cliff overlooking a sparkling stream. Each room has a regal oak bed and a fancy bed side table and lamp. There is a desk and rolling chair, and a regal oak wardrobe, too.

RESTAURANT: Good service with good food, open 12 hours.

BURGER BAR: Traditional burgers, drinks, and sweets. Open 12 hours.

FITNESS CENTER: Neocola machine, a variety of fitness equipment, and cold showers.

NEOPIAN TIMES DELIVERY: The latest newspapers delivered to your door.

MAID SERVICE: Polite Poogles that clean your rooms every day.

EN-SUITE BATHROOM: Proper toilet seat with flush and lid. Hot and cold showers and bath included.

JACUZZI/SPA: 3 Jacuzzis all spread out. Nice staffs spoil you with massages in the spa.

GROOMING: Skilled employees with good knowledge, fine for guests.

SWIMMING POOL: 1 large swimming pools, pool-side bar steps and diving board, 5 working waterslides, 2 kiddies’ water slides, towels and.

TENNIS COURTS: 1 large outdoor court with lines, reliable net in good condition. Ball and rackets supplied.

SAUNA: 3 separate rooms all with steamers, and seats.

LAUNDRY FACILITIES: Place dirty clothes in washing bag and the hotel will wash it for you. But they do not do a very good job! They also give it back to you when it’s still wet!

OVERALL RATING: 7 out of 10

THE GRAND NEOPIAN (80 NP) The Grand Neopian is the main attraction, because it is in Neopia Central and it’s not to expensive either. The hotel is situated in Neopia surrounded by soft grass and beautiful flowers everywhere. All the rooms have a funky blue and orange bed, a lamp and a bedside table. For you to sit down at write on there is a desk and some notepads and pencils and also a wardrobe for hanging clothes. The carpet is not that great and neither is the wallpaper or windows, but the curtains-oh! Now there’s a sight! There are no words to describe them! They are completely and utterly…HORRIFYING! (Thought I was gonna say stunning or gorgeous or something weren’t you?) Having to look at those curtains makes you get a headache, but that’s not all – did you know the bedspread matches the curtains? UGH!

RESTAURANT: Average service with all the Neopian dishes you could ever imagine, open 15 hours.

BURGER BAR: Traditional burgers, drinks, and sweets. Open 15 hours.

FITNESS CENTER: Refreshment bar, a variety of fitness equipment, and cold showers.

NEOPIAN TIMES DELIVERY: The latest newspapers delivered to you by hand.

MAID SERVICE: Respectful Rukis that clean your rooms every day.

EN-SUITE BATHROOM: Clean toilet seat with flush and lid. Hot and cold showers and bath and a robe included. Towels included.

JACUZZI/SPA: 5 Jacuzzis spread around all with bubbles. Kind staffs spoil you with massages in the spa.

GROOMING: Professional employees with lots of ability, fun for guests.

SWIMMING POOL: 2 large swimming pools, poolside bar, steps and diving board, 5 working waterslides, 2 kiddies’ water slides, towels and.

TENNIS COURTS: 2 large outdoor courts with lines, strong net in good condition. Ball and rackets supplied.

SAUNA: 5 separate rooms all with steaming steamers, and comfy seats.

LAUNDRY FACILITIES: Place dirty clothes in washing bag and room service will automatically take it down to the Laundromat and you can go fetch it the next morning.

OVERALL RATING: 8 out of 10

FAERIE CASTLE (100 NP) Faerie Castle is a peaceful, placid place to sit and watch the swans. Set around a lake full of swans, the castle is an elegant hotel. Each room has soft carpet, and brightly coloured curtains. The bed, the sofas, the wardrobe, the lamp, and the desk are Queen Fyora themed. Other features include a coffee table, books and toys in the bedside tables. There’s a Fyora queen petpet bed for your petpets, too.

RESTAURANT: Above average service and every Neopian and Tyrannian dish you could think of, open 16 hours a day.

BURGER BAR: Traditional burgers, drinks, and sweets. Open 16 hours.

FITNESS CENTER: Refreshment bar, Neocola machine, a variety of fitness equipment, towels, and cold showers.

NEOPIAN TIMES DELIVERY: The latest newspapers delivered to you in a plastic bag.

MAID SERVICE: Friendly Faeries that clean your rooms every day.

EN-SUITE BATHROOM: Very clean toilet seat with automatic flush and lid. Hot and cold showers and bath and a walk in robe included. Towels and soap included.

JACUZZI/SPA: 8 Jacuzzis spread around all with bubbles. Kind and helpful staffs spoil you with facials in the spa. GROOMING: Professional employees with lots of ability, enjoyable for guests.

SWIMMING POOL: 3 large swimming pools, 1 kiddies’ pool, poolside bar, steps and diving board. 1 aquatic playground, 7 working waterslides, 2 kiddies’ water slides, towels and pool toy hire.

TENNIS COURTS: 3 large outdoor courts with lines, strong net in good condition. Ball and rackets supplied.

SAUNA: 6 separate rooms all with steaming steamers, and comfy seats.

LAUNDRY FACILITIES: Place dirty clothes in washing bag and room service will automatically wash it and you can go fetch it the next morning at the front desk.

OVERALL RATING: 9 out of 10

PRESIDENTIAL PALACE (200 NP) A gorgeous hotel with 500 acres of tall, long grass, surrounding a sparkling fountain. Every cottage has a soft bed with warm cotton blankets. A desk and a small lounge area with comfortable sofas and coffee table are inside each cottage. They all have air conditioner with a built-in heater. There are books in the bookshelf and toys to play with. For your petpets there is a comfy bed.

RESTAURANT: Very good service, with international cuisine from all over Neopia.

BURGER BAR: Traditional burgers, smoothies, drinks, and sweets. Open 24 hours.

FITNESS CENTER: Refreshment bar, Neocola machines, wide varieties of fitness equipment, towels, changing stalls and cold showers.

NEOPIAN TIMES DELIVERY: The latest newspapers delivered to you in a small cotton bag.

MAID SERVICE: Sweet Scorchios and bright Blumaroos that cover room service. Rooms cleaned daily.

EN-SUITE BATHROOM: Spotless toilet seat with automatic flush and lid. Hot and cold showers and baths with curtains and a walk in robe included. Towels, soap, shampoo & conditioner included.

JACUZZI/SPA: 12 Jacuzzis spread around each with bubbles and massage. Experienced staffs spoil you with facials and massages in the spa.

GROOMING: Professional employees with knowledge and ability, quite pleasurable for guests.

SWIMMING POOL: 4 large swimming pools, 1 heated. 1 kiddies’ pool, poolside bar and pool bar, steps, diving board and water fall. 1 aquatic playground, 9 working waterslides, 3 kiddies’ water slides, 1 indoor pool, and towel and pool toy hire.

TENNIS COURTS: 3 large outdoor concrete courts, with lines, sturdy net in good condition. Ball and rackets supplied.

SAUNA: 8 separate rooms all with fitted steaming steamers, and soft seats.

LAUNDRY FACILITIES: Place dirty clothes in washing bag and room service will automatically wash it and you can go fetch it that afternoon or the next morning at the front desk.

OVERALL RATING: 10 out of 10

ASTROVILLA (500 NP) 800 acres of luscious trees and ponds. Each villa is two stories high and has a gorgeous bed with silk bedding; there is a larnikin petpet bed for your pet’s petpet, a marble desk, elegant lamps, and royal wallpaper. Each villa has its own small pool, blue paradise pond and garden surrounded by picket fence. The villas each have their own fridge, with sweets and drinks and a funky green speaker. For lighting there are 2 big chandeliers. There are some toys and books in the shelf and soft shag carpet for your enjoyment. Remote-controlled air conditioner and separate heater.

RESTAURANT: Excellent service, traditional delicacies from Tyrannia, the Haunted Woods, Kreludor, Terror Mountain and Faerieland. Best cuisine from Mystery Island, Krawk Island, the Lost Desert, Virtupets Space Station and Meridell. This restaurant even has some Australian, Japanese, French, Italian, Brazilian and Indonesian foods from the planet Earth. Open 24 hours.

BURGER BAR: Traditional burgers with a wide variety of sauces, fries, smoothies, fruit, drinks, and sweets. Open 24 hours.

FITNESS CENTER: Refreshment bar, Neocola machines, wide varieties of fitness equipment, towels, changing rooms and hot and cold showers, and a lap pool.

NEOPIAN TIMES DELIVERY: The latest newspapers delivered to you in a silk bag.

MAID SERVICE: Friendly and helpful people, that cover room service. Rooms cleaned daily with exquisite skill.

EN-SUITE BATHROOM: Gold plated toilet seat with automatic flush and lid. Hot and cold showers and baths with curtains. Walk in robe included. Towels, soap, moisturizer, disposable brush and comb and shampoo & conditioner included.

JACUZZI/SPA: 20 Jacuzzis spread around each with, bubbles, massage, and heat control. Experienced staffs spoil you with facials, hair crème baths and massages in the spa.

GROOMING: Professional employees with knowledge and ability. Extremely pleasurable for guests.

SWIMMING POOL: 6 large swimming pools, 3 are heated. 2 kiddies’ pools. Poolside bar, 2 pool bars, steps, diving board and water fall. 2 aquatic playgrounds, 14 working waterslides, 5 kiddies’ water slides, 1 indoor pool, and towel and pool toy hire. 1 wave pool.

TENNIS COURTS: 4 large outdoor concrete courts, with lines, sturdy net in excellent condition. Ball and rackets supplied.

SAUNA: 12 separate rooms all with fitted steaming steamers, and luxury soft seats.

LAUNDRY FACILITIES: Place dirty clothes in washing bag and room service will automatically wash it and return it by that afternoon at the latest.

OVERALL RATING: 12 out of 10