Hanso, Jazan, and Kanrik and the We Hate Hanso Club: Part Three

     "You don't really think they would go down there, do you?" Jazan asked.

     "Hannah would without a second thought. I can't say for Brynn and Nabile. I don't know how much the two of them know about the place. Hannah certainly wouldn't tell them anything to dissuade them from going. Not out of malice, mind you, just because she would be too focused on the treasure awaiting them to think to tell them about all the curses, monsters, and cultists in there," Kanrik said with a shrug, taking a sip of his cider.

     Jazan's brow furrowed. He honestly didn't know if Nabile knew anything about the Grave Danger. Hanso finished his coughing fit and rose from his seat. He headed for the door and Jazan turned to look after him.

     "Where do you think you're going?" Jazan asked.

     "Where do you think? Grave Danger. If that's where Brynn is, that's where I'm going," Hanso said.

     "That was only one place. I'm sure Kanrik has a few more likely suggestions," Jazan said.

     "Nope." Kanrik leaned back with a smirk and finished off his cider. "I haven't heard about any new maps coming into her possession and we've gone to the Faerie Caverns enough times now to make her bored of them. She was gung-ho to try her luck down in the vaults. I told her she had a snow pet's chance in Moltara of convincing me to go down there. I had hoped that my resistance would be enough to dissuade her from trying to explore the vaults. I'm not really keen on Hannah being anywhere near curse slingers after her near-death experience with the Bringer, but honestly I forgot she's got gal-pals to drag the places I try to keep her out of. She's almost more trouble than keeping the guild in line."

     Jazan rose with a searing glare aimed in the direction of Hanso. "The moment we find Nabile, you are dead."

     "Hey, come on," Hanso complained. "This isn't my fault. Hannah and Nabile might have gone on without Brynn if we'd gone like we planned. You should be thanking me for alerting you what they were up to!"

     Kanrik rose and followed them out the door. Jazan looked over his shoulder and asked him if he was coming along.

     "Watching you destroy Hanso would be a rewarding way to spend an afternoon. Besides that, if you're going down into Grave Danger, I might as well tag along. Curses are hardly a problem with an expert like you along. If Hannah is down there, I'm tying her up and taking her home whether she likes it or not."

     "Glad to have you along," Jazan said, truly glad to have company other than Hanso.

     "Can this day day get any worse?" Hanso complained.

     "Yes. Yes, it can," Kanrik replied with a smirk.

     ***

     "Why are there so many stairs?" Hanso complained as they reached the top step and stood at the gates of Grave Danger.

     Jazan groaned in frustration, knowing that there were hundreds of flights of stairs inside. If the Ixi was complaining now, what was he going to be doing three levels down? Hopefully, finding Brynn would cause him to posture enough to not complain on the return trip.

     "Maybe I should wait here," Hanso suggested, peering in with a nervous look.

     Jazan grabbed him by the ear and strode purposefully through the doors, dragging the complaining Ixi in his wake. Kanrik brought up the rear, smirking at Hanso as the Ixi skipped along, trying to keep pace with Jazan in his awkward pose.

     Jazan released him after a few feet and wiped his hand on his robe. Hanso straightened up and rubbed his now sore ear. Jazan raised his hands above his head and his hands began to glow blue. Hanso jumped and yelped while Kanrik looked quizzically at Jazan.

     "What was that I just felt?" Kanrik asked.

     "A protective spell to keep the curses from having an effect. We'll move much faster if we aren't weighed down by curses," Jazan explained. For Fyora's sake, Hanso, Kanrik felt the exact same thing you did, and he didn't even blink. Could you please show some maturity for the time we have to spend down here?"

     "You made that hurt to spite me," Hanso accused sullenly.

     "Did you?" Kanrik asked with a smirk.

     "If I did, it was added subconsciously," Jazan said. "Now, three doors. Would you like to do the honors, thief king?"

     "That one," Kanrik said, pointing at one on the west wall.

     Kanrik took point and the other two followed him. Their path led them to more doors, and Kanrik continued to lead, bringing them uneventfully to the first set of stairs. Ten levels later, there was still no sign of the girls, or of anyone else. The place was full of petpets scurrying around and carrying off various items, but otherwise it seemed to be uninhabited.

     "This isn't so bad," Hanso said, full of bravado, taking point. "I don't know why you both made such a big deal about this."

     Hanso burst through the door and immediately got swallowed up by a Gelatinous Non-Cube.

     "Do you want to rescue him?" Kanrik asked.

     "No," Jazan replied.

     "Neither do I," Kanrik sighed. "Only one thing to do."

     Kanrik lost the game of rock, paper, scissors, his rock being beaten by Jazan's paper. He sighed resignedly before frightening the Non-Cube into spitting Hanso back out and scurrying off.

     "Could you have taken any longer?" Hanso coughed as he brushed gelatin off himself.

     "Yes, I could have. Next time we might," Kanrik informed him as he pulled him to his feet. "Now, lead on, since you think this is no big deal."

     "You could go back to leading," Hanso said meekly.

     "I insist," Kanrik said, his smile malevolent as he made a sweeping gesture towards the door.

     "I hate the both of you," Hanso informed his companions as he reluctantly headed for the room's only door.

     "Not as much as we hate you," Jazan informed him.

     "Yes, if you thought the girls disliked you, well, we would be the We Really Hate Hanso Club," Kanrik said with a snicker.

     "This might be almost as bad as facing off against Xandra," Hanso muttered as he cautiously opened the door.

     Nothing jumped out to eat him, and they continued on their way.

     ***

     "We lost the thief king," Hanso informed Jazan, looking around for Kanrik.

     "He wandered off about thirty minutes ago, you incredibly observant fool," Jazan told the Ixi. "He figured he would be fine on his own with his protection spell and we'd cover more ground. He also said that since I brought you, I have to keep you. He said he would be able to find us easily enough if he found the girls or he felt he ought to check in with us."

     "Aw, come on, you know you'd miss me if I had gone with Kanrik. I'm your best pal, your favorite Ixi in the whole wide world-" Jazan grabbed him by the collar and held up a glowing hand menacingly and Hanso amended, "Second favorite."

     "Thank you. Now, shut up," Jazan said, releasing him.

     Hanso only kept silent until they reached the next staircase. "How many flights is this?"

     "I lost track after twenty-five," Jazan replied.

     They walked in silence for a moment. Hanso drifted over to a door and stopped. He walked closer and pressed his ear up against it.

     "Hey, Jazan! I hear someone on the other side," Hanso informed him in a loud whisper. "Maybe it's the girls!"

     Before Jazan could stop him, he threw open the door boisterously. Startled cultists looked up, one throwing a spell at him. Hanso dropped to the floor and began to roll back and forth furiously, shouting, "Do a barrel roll, Doglefox!"

     Jazan sighed wearily, watching his companion rolling on the dusty floor. He looked up at the cultists who were all giggling behind their paws.

     "We're truly sorry about your friend," the one who threw the curse said. "He startled us, bursting in like that."

     "No apologies needed. He deserved that and more," Jazan informed them. "I don't suppose you would know if a group of ladies passed by recently? An Usul, an Ixi, and a Kougra?"

     "The staircase down is over there," one of the cultists said, gesturing to a door at the far end of the room. "We'd know if anyone came down. So, they must be on an upper level, still."

     "Thank you," Jazan said politely.

     Hanso got up off the floor and brushed himself off. "Well, that was unpleasant. Also, how did we miss the girls on the upper levels?"

     "Actually, I'm beginning to suspect they never came down. This has all been a wild Mallard chase," Jazan said. "Let's get out of here."

     "Good idea," Hanso replied, frowning at the still giggling cultists.

     "Hey, wait a minute! I thought you said you protected us from curses," Hanso accused.

     "I left off a few minor ones from your protection spell," Jazan told him with an evil smirk.

     Hanso pouted as he followed Jazan from the room. It would not be long before they would realize they were lost.

     ***

     Current Time:

     Now free of the Grave Danger Catacombs, Jazan rounded on Hanso, seizing him by the lapels.

     "Where exactly was it that you were supposed to be taking Brynn?" he demanded.

     "Neopia Central. Why, you don't think she actually went without me, do you?" Hanso asked, seeming genuinely shocked at the idea.

     "Why wouldn't she? Why should she cancel her plans because of you?" Jazan growled.

     "It's a new day," Kanrik pointed out. "They might have split up and gone home already. We might be best served by heading home."

     "I wasn't supposed to arrive home until this afternoon. I was very much early. There was less to attend to at the border cities than I was under the impression there would be. I suspect Nabile might have chosen to stay in Neopia Central. I might as well go surprise her with a ride home," Jazan said.

     "Well, if you don't mind me hitching a ride with you, I'll drop off some of this loot with Hannah as an apology for going down there without her. She's going to have a hard time letting that one go," Kanrik said.

     "The carriage is waiting by the Gypsy Camp," Jazan told him.

     "Meet you there," Kanrik called over his shoulder as he headed off towards the Thieves Guild's tavern to drop his loot off.

     "So, we'd better be off then?" Hanso said, trying to sound lighthearted.

     "I should leave you to walk to Neopia Central," Jazan snarled.

     "Aw, come on, Kanrik was the one who gave us bad intel on it on this," Hanso complained.

     "No, I am certain Hannah tried to talk them into it. Brynn and Nabile simply knew better. However, if you had half a brain, you would have thought to look in Neopia Central first instead of going after Kanrik for help finding them. I gave you too much credit in assuming you already had," Jazan told him.

     "Oh, huh, sorry," Hanso chuckled embarrassedly, running a hand through his hair.

     Jazan stalked off and Hanso followed, hoping if he didn't do anything to further antagonize the Kyrii king he wouldn't leave him stranded in the middle of the Haunted Woods.

     They arrived back at the carriage. The Eyries who pulled it looked relieved to see their king safe. After some brief explanations, they got the carriage ready to go again. They had just finished when Kanrik showed up. The three got into the carriage and settled in for the ride.

     Kanrik smirked across the carriage at Hanso. "Remember Brynn's greeting last time? She's going to be a hundred times more angry with you this time. It might be quite the show. Hannah will be very pleased."

     Hanso bit his lip in nervousness and turned to look out the window.

     "We could always let you get off here," Jazan offered.

     "We're hundreds of feet in the air!" Hanso cried, and then glared sullenly at the Kyrii. "You're not as funny as you think you are."

     "Yes, he is," Kanrik put in.

     "I hate the both of you," Hanso muttered before going back to looking out the window.

     ***

     The carriage pulled up outside the Neolodge in Neopia Central and the three men got out. Kanrik tapped Jazan on the shoulder and pointed to an outdoor restaurant across the way. The girls were sitting at a table finishing their coffee, dressed in the styles that were more common in Neopia Central.

     Hanso put on his most charming smile and led the way towards them. Hannah noticed them coming first. She pointed at the approaching group, her eyes and mouth opened wide. Brynn jumped up and hurried towards Hanso.

     "Sweetheart, I've been looking everywhere for you!" he cried.

     "Don't call me that, you oaf!" Brynn shouted at him, in an eerie replay of the last time all six of them had been thrown together.

     Only this time, Brynn's fist connected with Hanso's jaw and he went sprawling.

     "Yes, K.O.'d!" Hannah shouted gleefully and high-fived Nabile.

     "You broke my charismatic smile," Hanso whimpered.

     "That makes the last few hours of my life worth it," Jazan said with a contented sigh.

     "The last few hours?" Brynn asked, looking over at him. "Just what are you doing with Hanso anyway, King Jazan?"

     "Fool that I was, I figured he'd already come looking for you here, and I wound up searching unpleasant places with him looking for the three of you," Jazan said.

     "Where, darling?" Nabile asked as she and Hannah joined them.

     "Grave Danger."

     Nabile covered her mouth to hold back a laugh. "Oh, darling. Hannah did try to convince us to go down there, but Brynn and I aren't quite as adventurous as our friend. Besides, I left you a note promising I wouldn't do anything like that."

     "I didn't know there was a note," he said, pulling her into an embrace.

     Hannah pouted up at Kanrik. "You too? You went down there without me?"

     "Only to haul you back to the surface whether you liked it or not," he told her, and then handed her the bag of loot. "I got you this to make up for it."

     Hannah looked inside and the pout instantly vanished. "Ooh, Kanrik, this is almost enough to make me forgive you."

     Brynn looked down at Hanso, who was still sitting dazedly on the street, and smiled reluctantly. She dropped onto her knees and hugged him tight. "Oh, Hanso. You may be a lout, but you're my lout."

     Hannah and Nabile teasingly cooed at her and she told them to shut up.

     "I don't suppose our plans are completely ruined, are they?" Hanso asked.

     "A day late is better than never, and better than I expected from you," Brynn said. "I'm sure the rest of the week will be salvageable."

     "We should totally do something fun too, Kanrik," Hannah said cuddling up against him with a sly smile.

     "We are not going back to Grave Danger, Hannah," Kanrik said with a grim smile. "We'll be going home."

     "You are such a stick in the mud," Hannah complained.

     "And you're more excitement than is healthy for anyone," he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She chuckled and shook her head, acknowledging the truth of the statement.

     "I suppose we should get home too," Nabile said to Jazan.

     "Yes, thank you. I've had more adventure than I wanted," Jazan replied.

     "I can't wait to do this again," Hannah said to Brynn and Nabile.

     "Let's never do this again," Jazan said as Kanrik and Hanso nodded in hearty agreement.

The End