THROWS COOKIES: Analyzing 1000 Editorial Offerings

     Every NTimes regular knows to flip right through to the Editorial when a new issue comes out. There, they make offerings of good tidings such as cookies or Meepits. In exchange for these boons, we are all rewarded with clarity about Neopia’s more arcane or temperamental aspects. Through its lauded 20+ year publishing history, these are ten stand-outs.

     This isn’t a top ten list and just one writer’s opinion. Neopia is a big and diverse place, and thousands have made offerings to TNT over the decades.

     Issue #450: *gifts Gelert plushie*

     We begin with a regular occurrence. By offering a Gelert plushie, this Neopian shows their love of Gelerts through their kindness. This sets a theme across submissions - that of Neopia’s kindness itself. Even though they know they don’t have to come bearing gifts, eager Neopian Times readers reflect the wonderful community they come from.

     Issue #789: *Hands out a tray of Space Faerie Donuts*

     They’re tasty, they’re abundant, who doesn’t like a doughnut? Fridays are famous for two things: Space Faerie accessories and the Neopian Times. It’s a regular sight to see the lines of Neopians with their Space Faerie Scratchcards and Times issue hand in hand… and that usually means Space Faerie Donuts follow. You’ll get that jackpot one day.

     Issue #525: *throws Jellied Eyeballs*

     You’d think this would be ill-received, but no - they were happily accepted, shining light on TNT’s office refrigerator. Whether this portends a gourmet or just omnivorous tastes remains to be confirmed, but it’s this writer’s opinion that more Spooky Foods should be anted up. Does TNT have the stomach for some Cadaverous Cola? What about a serving of Snorkel Pudding? The readers want answers!

     Issue #631: *hands over a batch of heart-shaped cupcakes for sharing*

     Naturally, this was submitted in the Month of Awakening, on the week of Valentine’s Day. Between cookies, cupcakes, doughnuts, and a myriad of other sweets, savvy investors may want to keep an eye on the Breadmaster Bakeries stocks come new issue day.*

     *The Neopian Times is not a market advisor. Neopoints gained or lost are not the responsibility of the NTimes. Consult your Nigel The Chia before making any stock purchases.

     Issue #858: (Hands out delicious ice cream with chocolate frosting)

     At this rate, readers can see the sheer caloric power TNT requires to function. How else could all these treats be used? Research is ongoing to identify the number of entities that make up TNT, but with such a sweet tooth, estimates may vary.

     As savvy readers know, not everyone in the Neopian Times comes with an offering, nor does one need to! Some are more pragmatic, and skip all the formality outright.

     Issue #462: “I don't want to waste time bribing you with cookies, so let's just get right to the point.”

     Readers wait eagerly for new issues to be published, and when the time comes for them to find out the secrets of Neopia, not everyone is keen to sit around and chuck confectioneries around.

     Indeed, some offerings are solely symbolic. In one of the earlier examples of an offering to the Editorial, one reader didn’t even have to bring anything they didn’t already have with them.

     Issue #393: *waggles fingers*

     Both a denial of cookies and a finger waggle were answered all the same. TNT no doubt appreciates the steady stream of offerings, or why else would they accept them? Despite this, it seems that an offering of nothing at all can be an acceptable gift. If you’re thinking of writing into the Editorial, remember this!

     Issue #500: *throws Wishing Well*

     Well, we’ve found where all the Codestones were going. This is a testament that the pen truly is mightier than the sword! Did a Neopian strongman, fresh from training courses and bristling with power, prepare to toss the entire Wishing Well, or was it a spur-of-the-moment act? Records are slim from almost 500 issues ago.

     Issue #760: “Frisbee tosses giant holiday cookie!”

     I just hope that nobody tried to catch it in their mouth like a Lupe. No doubt this giant cookie was sent courtesy of the Advent Calendar, provider of all our holiday treats in the Month of Celebrating. Later holiday issues would see increasingly generous offerings, as the annual spoils grew to bring treasures like the Meowclops and Candychan across Neopia in greater numbers.

     And with a mind to the present, we can look back not but two weeks ago to get the pulse of modern Neopia with this reader, who decided to forgo any foods, snacks, or brick infrastructure.

     Issue #999: *sprinkles disappearing glitter everywhere*

     We truly live in a prosperous future. Glitter that doesn’t infest every square millimetre of your personal space? That Neopian is really on to something. As the years have passed, offerings have evolved. When simple cookies may have once sufficed, we see increasingly creative concepts being brought to the table.

     There you have it! From food to fun, cookies to admonishment, The cultural practices of Neopia have changed over the decades, and it’s down to good journalism that we can look back and understand. How will these “Editorial Offerings” change over the next 1000 issues? This writer looks forward to another centennial analysis in Neopian Times Issue #2000!

     Shocked to see so many recent issues? That’s right. Upon detailed page-flipping and with the cost of several papercuts, we discovered that the Editorial Offering wasn’t always a thing! In the oldest of days, Neopians asked, and TNT answered. Research is ongoing as to what changed over time to necessitate this ritual.

     HAPPY ISSUE 1000!!!

     *throws one Disco Kacheek Glasses*