Pirates vs. Ninjas: Cook-off!

     But, who would win in a cook-off?! Pirates, or ninjas?

     Of course, the high-and-mighty ninjas would never condescend to dine with dirty pirates, nor would Gooblah the Grarrl have any patience for orange flavoured tea. It's interesting, though, to imagine a cook-off featuring the best cuisine from both sides. To settle the question of whether pirates or ninjas eat better, this newspaper invited the head chefs of the Golden Dubloon and Exotic Foods to prepare their respective best meals.

     The Underwater Chef served as judge. It was felt that he would be best able to provide a balanced and expert opinion, owing to his past experience cooking for a maritime family and his present proximity to the ninja school. (Jhuidah, who runs the Cooking Pot, kindly stepped in for him so he could take a day off to judge.)

     There were four rounds of competition, with the participants taking turns going first. The dishes were given points based on Appearance, Taste, and Nutrition.

     Round One: Appetizer

     The chef of the Golden Dubloon started off strong with a plate of fresh Anchovies. After carefully nibbling a few pieces, the Underwater Chef gave his verdict:

     Appearance: 7/10. Neatly arranged and presented on a clean plate, but lacking in creativity.

     Taste: 10/10. Expertly seasoned with just the right amount of salt. Crispy on the outside and soft on the inside.

     Nutrition: 8/10. Good source of protein, but lacking in other nutrients. (Perhaps why pirates commonly suffered from scurvy!)

     Not to be outdone, the chef of Exotic Foods presented Edamame in a small square bowl. It steamed invitingly, and the judge quickly ate a few mouthfuls.

     Appearance: 10/10. The red plate complements the green soybeans nicely, and the bamboo mat is a lovely touch.

     Taste: 8/10. Lightly sweet, with a sprinkling of salt. Steamed to perfection. Not particularly exciting in taste, but nourishing.

     Nutrition: 9/10. Contains protein as well as fibre. Easy to digest.

     Round Two: Main Course

     For the main meal, Exotic Foods was proud to present Veggie Nimmo Bento. The Underwater Chef picked up his chopsticks and tasted a sampling from each bento category.

     Appearance: 9/10. Pleasantly organized. A little bland in colour.

     Taste: 8/10. Delicate and wholesome. The textures are perfect: the rice is soft and fluffy, the tofu chewy, and the vegetables crisp. But the flavours are light, and require some patience to enjoy fully.

     Nutrition: 8/10. A little lacking in protein; the tofu servings are small. There is plenty of carbs and fibre, however.

     In stark contrast to its competitor, Headless Horsefish came bursting from the kitchen overpowering in shape and smell. The judge nearly coughed from the spicy odour, but recovered enough to savour a few slices.

     Appearance: 8/10. Somewhat vulgar, but hearty. The fish is served in a whole slab, with the bone plainly exposed. The vegetables and spices placed around the fish provide some welcome decoration and colour.

     Taste: 10/10. Rich, spicy, and flavourful, with just the right balance of minty freshness from the accompanying vegetables.

     Nutrition: 9/10. Rather heavy on protein and fat, but otherwise well-rounded and nourishing.

     Round Three: Dessert

     Pinanna Paradise, made from the fruit-roots native to Krawk Island, was served next in a carved coconut shell. The judge reached eagerly for his spoon.

     Appearance: 10/10. The soft yellow and orange swirls stand out beautifully against the rough brown shell.

     Taste: 9/10. Tangy, sweet, and cold. Completely lacking in subtlety, but refreshing in its frankness.

     Nutrition: 10/10. About as good as a dessert can possibly get: a fine serving of fruit, with just the right amount of sugar.

     Traditionally, the chef of Exotic Foods explained as he presented his Purplum Buns, ninjas would eat these buns to hold back hunger and thirst. The buns were easy to carry around, and were made from purplum pulp, rice paste, and sugar. The Underwater Chef cheerfully ate a bun and gave his verdict:

     Appearance: 8/10. Uniform in colour and shape - perhaps too uniform, but appealing nonetheless.

     Taste: 10/10. The smooth surface of the bun yields easily to deliver the most luxurious, melting sweetness.

     Nutrition: 10/10. Easy to see why they were the food of choice for ninjas on long missions! Energizing and easy on the stomach.

     Round Four: Drinks

     After he had polished off his bun, the judge was given a bowl of Little Green Tea.

     Appearance: 9/10. Quaint and relaxing to behold: steaming green tea in a blue-white china bowl.

     Taste: 8/10. Slightly bitter, but energizing and warm. The herbal fragrance seeps in little by little, strengthening every fin (or limb).

     Nutrition: 9/10. Good source of antioxidants. Drinking green tea frequently can help the body recover from wounds faster.

     For the final toast of the night, the Golden Dubloon chef poured a hearty pint of brown, sparkling Bomberry Grog into the judge's mug. A little flushed by now from all the excitement of the preceding courses, the Underwater Chef nonetheless gamely took several swigs.

     Appearance: 7/10. Rough and brown throughout. There is some difference in texture between the cool surface of the drink and the sturdy wood and metal of the mug, but otherwise nothing much to look at.

     Taste: 9/10. There can be no question why pirates gulp this down after every raid! The slight fizz and sparkle gives way soon to a rich, fruity fullness.

     Nutrition: 9/10. For pirates on long voyages, fresh vegetables were hard to come by, so alcoholic beverages made from fruit were a way to fill in the missing nutrients.

     When all the points had been tallied, it was concluded that pirate cuisine and ninja cuisine were almost exactly equal. The Underwater Chef checked his notes and counted the points several times, but there was no mistake! While vastly different, at base all food is food, nourishing and good to eat. Tell that to the pirates next time they make fun of the ninjas' weird lifestyle, and vice versa.