Valentine Mystery Noir

     The green and black flash paused to look back at me for a moment, and I noticed it was a bright Green Quiggle wearing a black trench coat and top hat. Ah, it must be Quentin, the stressed day trader. That tracks. He took off running again.

     “I’M INNOCENT, I TELL YA! QUENTIN QUIGGLE IS INNOCENT! QUENTIN QUIGGLE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!” He yelled as he continued running away from me. I tried to keep up, but this Gelert detective is not as swift as he once was. Quentin got away from me.

     I filed that away in my mind as a curious lead to follow—because this was guilty behavior if I ever did see it—after investigating down at the Turdle Racing track, and continued on my way to Meridell.

     19th Day of Awakening, Year 25- afternoon:

     I reached the racetrack as soon as the Turdles were lining up in their pens. 2:10pm NST. Perfect timing. I considered watching the race, but decided against it; everyone here would be preoccupied, which gave me the perfect opportunity to sneak around and investigate behind the scenes.

     I slinked my way past the main viewing box, where I saw Duke Draik chowing down on a meat club and laughing with buddies. I noticed two white and pink ears sticking up in the crowd—was that Clarice Cybunny?!

     I tucked that piece of knowledge in the back of my mind to investigate later too, and proceeded into the back of the Turdle Racing track through a door marked “TRT (TURDLE RACING TEAM) ONLY”. Here goes nothing.

     The door led to a tunnel that took me underground. I snuck through corridor after corridor in the TRT restricted area but happened upon dead end after dead end. I heard rumblings in the ground above me and realized I was under the Turdle racing track. This must be where the Turdles are kept in between races. The corridors were winding and maze-like, but finally I came to a six-way corridor intersection with a direction sign in the middle. The sign had six different arrows, each arrow with a different Turdle’s name pointing in a given direction: Stinky, Poopy, Smelly, Squelchy, and Nutty; and a final arrow with the word “OUT” pointing in the direction I came.

     On a hunch, I took off in the direction of Squelchy. I don’t know what drew me to it; call it a Gelert’s intuition.

     I followed the hallway to a pen. As I approached, I saw a Turdle in the pen, which was weird, because I could hear all five Turdles racing above me. As I drew closer to the pen, I realized there was more than just the one Turdle in there; in fact, there were six total Turdles in the pen. This seemed strange. I inspected the markings and coloring on each Turdle carefully and realized… they were all the same. All six of those Turdles were exactly identical. This must be what Lincoln discovered. Not only was Duke overstuffing the Turdles before races, but he was also switching them up whenever he pleased.

     I ran back to the corridor intersection and checked out another Turdle’s living quarters. Sure enough, there were four other Turdles in Smelly’s pen. I was sure this would be the case for all of the other Turdles too. This is Duke’s big secret. I knew I had to get out of there and question Duke. Immediately.

     As I made my way back to the intersection, I noticed a set of bricks with letters written on them. But only the first 7 letters of the alphabet. My mind was drawn back to the slip of paper I found back in the booth at Kenny G’s. Could it be that those letters corresponded to… music notes?

     Play the notes and be amazed

     Shifting Brick and open grazed,

     Will you Find what you seek,

     Information not for the meek.

     I didn’t have the piece of paper with the song on it anymore, thanks to Quentin Quiggle, so I struggled to remember the notes I cranked out on the piano last night. “Play the notes and be amazed…” I muttered to myself, tapping on the bricks to the corresponding notes. “Shifting Brick and open grazed… what could that mean? There’s no way it’s relevant here… right?”

     Wrong. Somehow I had tapped out the correct combination of bricks and music notes, because suddenly the bricks began to shift around me. “Will I find what I seek?” The bricks finished shifting and revealed a doorway.

     I walked through, and found myself in a room that reminded me very much of my own office: papers strewn about, an abandoned briefcase in the corner. A dusty piano on the opposite wall. And then, in the far corner, I found what I seek: Lincoln Lupe.

     I ran over to him. He looked like he had passed out. As I called his name, he came to. “Galeii Gelert? Is that you? I recognize you from the Detective Spotlight I wrote about you in the Neopian Times a few years back.” Despite being weak from hunger, Lincoln always had the Times on his mind.

     “Lincoln, I found you! Are you okay? We need to get you out of here. Did Duke Draik do this to you?!?!”

     “What? No, no,” Lincoln let out a soft chuckle. “Duke is a shady character, but he’s not that shady. No. I got myself locked in here when I came back in the middle of the night to take one last look at the underground Turdle duplication ring that Duke has set up. I found this room, but once I was in I couldn’t find a way to get out. I’ve been trapped here for days. I’m so hungry.”

     A lightbulb went off in my head and I remembered the Meaty Lupe Treats I put in my pack this morning. I pulled them out and Lincoln’s ears perked up instantly. “Here, have these! And then let’s get you out of here.”

     Lincoln chowed down on the treats and that gave him enough energy to finally stand back up. We found our way back out of the secret room, reached the corridor intersection, and followed the arrow that read “OUT”.

     On the way out, Lincoln told me the whole story. He had discovered the Turdle duplication ring earlier that day, during the races like I had, but wanted to come back to iron out a few details for his story. He found the room and opened it with the notes from the paper, the same as I had. But he accidentally shut the door to the secret room behind him, so he got stuck. I asked if he knew why there was the connection between the secret room under the Turdle Racing track and the secret brick in the cellar of Kenny G’s.

     “Oh, yes, I figured that out while I was stuck there too. I found love letters between one club managing Cybunny and one Turdle Empire Draik. It seems Duke and Clarice have more than just a multi-year friendship between them.”

     “Ah, I see. That would explain the secret hiding spots in both of the locations. I bet the room you found is where Clarice and Duke used to meet, but the brick in Kenny G’s is where they hid their correspondences.” I pondered.

     “Yep, that’s what I figured too, mate.” Lincoln agreed.

     “So what about Harrison Hissi? Or Raymond Ruki? I found these items, belonging to them.” I pulled out the Aisha sculpture and the little black notebook of the Hissi barkeeps’ thoughts to show them to Lincoln.

     “I didn’t have anything further to report about the Ruki or the Hissi. My next part of the article was going to be an exposé focused fully on Duke and the Turdles. They’re both shady characters, but I didn’t find anything else underneath the surface worth reporting about. Unless you want to let me borrow that sculpture and notebook…”

     “Ah, Lincoln, even in your state you continue your investigation. You would have made a great detective in another life. Sorry pal, these items are in Neopian Police custody, and will be returned to their rightful owners.”

     Lincoln gave a chuckle. “Well, it was worth a try.”

     We made our way out of the tunnels and back into the Turdle Racing watch crowd. We went straight to a food stall and I personally bought Lincoln two Meat Clubs to eat, and one for myself. We walked out of the race track and talked more about the case, sharing stories, clues, and discoveries.

     “All of this makes sense to me, Lincoln, except one thing. What does Quentin Quiggle have to do with all of this? He has been… following me.”

     “Oh, that old quack? Quentin is in some deep trouble with his stocks, and is also quite paranoid. I think he’s trying to get Clarice or someone to sell him his shares of KSON back, since it’s taking off. But ever since I quoted him in my first article, he’s been terrified that anyone would say anything else about him. I think he even hired a lawyer. But I don’t think he’s dangerous to anyone else. He’s a self-destructive little Quiggle.”

     As we walked, I reviewed the details of the case in my mind. Out of all the things that surprised me during it—the Turdle duplication ring, the love letters between Duke and Clarice, the fact that Lincoln wasn’t kidnapped, he just got himself accidentally trapped—I think the thing that surprised me most of all was that Quentin Quiggle, was, in fact, innocent.

      Case closed.

     The End.