Celandra’s Schedule: What Faerieland is Really Like

      ---7:00 am: I wake up, stuff my face with Faerieland’s finest food, and get dressed.

     ---7:30 am: I walk over to the Faerie Foods shop to pick up Fyora’s order for breakfast, which is one Omelette of the Faeries, a Fyora Apple, and Fountain Faerie Fruit Punch. I hope that there isn’t a line.

     ---8:00 am: I wake up Fyora and serve her breakfast in bed, then take care of the trash afterwards.

     ---8:30 am: I walk over to the Hidden Tower and count inventory. I also ring up sales and manage the shop till.

     ---9:30 am: I kick out window shoppers who have been there for an hour without buying anything. It may seem harsh, but there’s only so much room in the tower, and a packed crowd can create a fire hazard.

     ---10:00 am: I kick out those who show up just to shoplift, and then I call law enforcement. Fyora and I want them arrested, but the courts are very lax. Thankfully, all the Battledome weapons for sale are locked up so they can’t be used against me.

     ---10:30 am: Unfortunately, law enforcement is preoccupied with another call. They’re resolving a robbery at the Faerie Furniture shop, so I don’t get any response to my shoplifting call. Fyora is livid about the under-policing and laxness of the courts.

     ---11:00 am: I look out the window of the Hidden Tower and watch castle security again drag away the weirdo who tries to jump the fence every day.

     ---11:30 am: I again count inventory, noting which items were bought and which were stolen.

     ---12:00 pm: I am about to grab Fyora her lunch, but then I see some Neopet eating food out of the castle dumpster. A rat is crawling across his neck, but he doesn’t seem to care. (Not even a Petpet. A RAT!!! Yuck.) When I try to call him out on it, he jumps into the trash heap and hides. Castle security arrives and drags him out in handcuffs.

     ---12:15 pm: I walk over to Faerie Foods and order a Faerie Leaves Hot Dog, Faerie Fruit Salad, and Faerie Chocodrop for Fyora, and whatever I feel like eating for myself. A rat scurries past my feet in the middle of the restaurant... Yuck. I won’t be coming back.

     ---12:30 pm: I arrive back at the castle and deliver the food to Fyora. Then I start cleaning the enormous palace. I clean for an hour every day.

     ---1:30 pm: At the end of my cleaning hour, I collect the trash and take it out to the dumpster... which is always swarmed by rats. This is why I wear closed-toe shoes to my job every day.

     ---1:45 pm: I watch as castle security tries (and struggles) to dismantle the row of Neopets reselling stolen merchandise outside the castle. These irate Neopets aren’t happy about being told to leave. A brawl erupts, and it ends with the offenders being dragged away in handcuffs.

     ---2:00 pm: I start my walk to the Faerieland Employment Agency to assist with duties there. On the way there, I notice an angry homeowner yelling at a squatter who won’t leave her property.

     --2:15 pm: I arrive at the Faerieland Employment Agency, where I have to fill in due to the lack of staff. Apparently, a lot of Neopets have been stealing goods and reselling them instead of getting a job because they make more Neopoints for a lot less effort, and are seldom arrested.

     ---2:30 pm: I am sent on item fetch quests for the Employment Agency. While I don’t get to keep the Neopoints from the jobs, I am paid by Fyora for doing this.

     ---4:00 pm: I finish at the Employment Agency, and then I leave. I stop at the local beauty supply store to buy Fyora’s favourite brand of nail polish, but it is out of stock due to large-scale organized theft. Therefore, I buy a different brand and leave.

     ---4:15 pm: I arrive back at the castle and show Fyora the off-brand. She doesn’t blame me because I’m not the one who stole the kind she wanted. I paint her fingernails and toenails bright purple.

     ---5:00 pm: I turn on the local news for Fyora, who watches in disgust. Headlines include, “Faerie Furniture Shop Robbed by Convicted Felons,” “Notorious Castle Fence Jumper Arrested Yet Again,” “Child Hospitalized After Being Bitten by Contagious Rat at Faerie Foods,” and “Thieves Pull Off Million-Neopoint Heist at Beauty Store in Broad Daylight.” At least the headline “Genius Thief Tries to Rob Faerie Weapons Store” brings a smile.

     ---5:30 pm: I opt to cook dinner instead of going back to the rat-infested Faerie Foods store. I prepare chicken, mixed vegetables, and chocolate cake, because who doesn’t love dessert?

     ---6:30 pm: Fyora and I enjoy our meal... It tastes better than the fast food from Faerie Foods anyway.

     ---7:00 pm: Time for me to go home after a rough day.

      Those who are not from Faerieland are probably thinking: Is Faerieland REALLY that bad?! The answer is that yes, it absolutely is. Ever since the actual monarchy was abolished and replaced with a parliamentary democracy, Fyora is just a figurehead. If she had her way, there would be no lootings, and the streets would be cleaned up. There would be actual consequences for criminals. Imagine that! The city is currently suffering from under-policing and a lax court system, allowing criminals to run wild.

     So, is the generous pay worth spending twelve hours a day in Faerieland every day? You decide. Unlike the average citizen, I get a security detail because I work for Fyora, and my face is well-known. (Whoever gets hired for the new position will get one, too.) So, if you don’t mind a job in this less-than-glamourous location, apply today. You will lose all faith in Neopia after your first week. Enjoy!