"And smelly!" added another.

"Eww, what did I just step on?" said a disgusted third voice.

"'Go on' she says, 'maybe the Turmaculus will give you a level' she says. A lot of good a level will do me inside HERE!" yelled the Faellie, kicking what she assumed to be the inside of the Turmaculus's ribcage. Everything began to rumble, and the Faellie, losing her nerve, scampered to hide with the other huddled Petpets.

"Uh, don't do that again Sadie." warned an Apis.

"I-I-I'm not planning on it," stuttered the frightened Faellie.

A Kadoatie began to wail. "I-I h-hate the dark! Meeooooowww!"

"Hey, look!" a voice shouted. "The mouth's opening! RUN!!" Instantly, the Petpets began to charge forward, towards the opening mouth... like so many times before. Maybe this time we can make it, thought Sadie.

"WAAAAAAAAaaaaa OHHMF!" The Petpets all tumbled backwards as a strange mass collided with them, throwing them once again to the back of the Turmaculus's stomach. As the jaws closed, cutting off the beautiful sunlight she had once frolicked in, Sadie caught a glimpse of the Turmaculus's newest victim...

Author's Note: Hey everyone! Time to broaden our writing skills and try- dum-da-da-dum... COMEDY! ^_^

..."Is that a..." Sadie began to ask.

"Yup," replied the Apis.

Right there, before the huddled Petpets, was a Pet Rock. Not even a painted one, at that... just a plain, ordinary, dull pet rock.

Sadie, along with Adio (the Apis) and Milly (the Kadoatie), carefully examined the newcomer.

"A rock..." said Adio dully. "I still don't see how this counts as a Petpet!"

"Maybe it's a smart rock," suggested Milly, walking up to it. "Hello, I'm Milly! What's your name?" Silence. "Don't be shy, you can tell me." There was more silence.

Sadie and Adio exchanged glances. "How long has she been in here?" asked Sadie.

"Long enough that the stomach acid fumes have begun to effect her brain," replied Adio under his breath.

The two Petpets sighed as they huddled in the center of the Turmaculus's stomach. They sulked, while Milly continued trying to make friends with the silent newbie.

"What do we do now?" asked a sniffling Warf.

"Just wait to be digested, I guess," replied Adio sadly.

"We can't give up that easily!" snapped Sadie. "There's gotta be some way out of here!"

"There are only two possible ways of leaving, and I seriously doubt that our masters will even want us back after one of them!" Everyone was silent as they thought about what Adio meant, then a collective "EWWWW!" emerged from the Petpets.

Sadie sighed. "I guess you're right. I just... I just so wanted to see my owner again."

"We all want to see our masters again, Sadie," answered Adio. "But this was one of the risks of going to the Turmaculus, so we might as well..."

"HEY GUYS!" Everyone turned to see Milly, bounding towards the group with a large grin on her face. "Ted thought of a way out, and it's a really good idea!"

Again, everyone exchanged glances. "Ted?" asked Sadie.

"You know, the Pet Rock! He told me that he's been in here before, and knows a way out!"

Adio groaned. "She's lost it..."

Milly then looked back at "Ted." "What?... huh? Ok, I'll tell him. Ted says you're being rude, and that he doesn't like you." Milly said to Adio.

"Oh yeah? Well why don't you tell 'Ted' he can-!" Before Adio could finish his sentence, Sadie quickly covered his muzzle.

"Look, Adio! Let's just play along, before she cries for another hour like she did last time!" Sadie smiled politely at Milly, then began to speak in a slow and calm manner, as if conversating with a child. "Okay, Milly. What did... Ted have in mind?"...

...Milly went on for hours, telling the Petpets what Ted had in mind. Adio's right eye was twitching now. "That didn't make any sense!!!" he yelled. "What are we going to do with three tacos and a neocola?"

Milly calmly answered. "Ted said he was hungry."

The Turmaculus opened his mouth, sending out another beam of light.

"CHARGE!!!" said Sadie again. The Petpets started running towards the light. All of a sudden, Milly quickly said, "Wait! We're forgetting Ted!"

Adio looked back, then said, "Forget Ted! This could be our last chance of fleeing!" Milly went back to get Ted. "What are you doing?" Adio screamed. Milly didn't answer. She had to go back into the pit of the Turmaculus's stomach and get Ted, no matter what.

Adio went back to get her, frustrated by the sound of the other Petpets yelling "Freedom!" as they escaped.

Adio tried to tell Milly to forget Ted and go, but it was too late. The Turmaculus had shut his mouth.

"NOOOO!!!" yelled Adio.

Milly calmly said, "It's okay. Ted has another plan!"

Sadie walked over to them, rubbing her head and muttering something about very hard teeth. "I just want to get out of here..."

Adio looked at Milly like she was an idiot, but said, "Okay... what's the new plan?"

Milly replied, "See that hole, just a little bit above the stomach acid? If we go down that hole we should be able to get out!"

Adio yelled, "Oh no! There's no way I'm going down there... not even if my life depends on it!"

A few minutes later...

..."I can't believe we're doing this," Sadie muttered, trying to ignore the squelching sound coming from beneath her feet.

"This is just too much," Adio agreed.

"Really, this is just abusiv-eeeahhh!" the Faellie yelled, falling face-first into--

Sadie: TIME OUT! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! Yes, I'm talking to YOU, miss author!

San: What? You were complaining too much... this is supposed to be a comedy.

Sadie: Comedy? COMEDY?!? You think making us walk through... through... THIS is funny?

San: Looks hysterical from here, actually.

Sadie: Why you... ARRGH!!! I've HAD it. I QUIT this stupid story!

San: Quit? You can't quit... we're in the middle of a story!

Sadie: We're in the middle of an INTESTINAL TRACT!

San: Oh, come on... just get back to the story, and I'll write you a happy ending, okay? You shouldn't even be talking to me anyways.

Sadie: Hmmf! No way am I going one step further. You just go and write me OUT of this place.

San: FINE!

Happy to be magically transported out of the wrong end of the Turmaculus, Sadie the happy Faellie skipped through the meadows of Meridell. Sniffing the beautiful flowers, she laid down on the soft grass, and gazed at the passing clouds. She never heard the Monoceraptor coming...

Sadie: WAIT!! What's that about the Monoceraptor?!?

San: Hmm? Oh, nothing... by the way, it's getting closer. Are you SURE you don't want to go back into the Turmaculus?

Sadie: You wouldn't!

San: Oh, I so would. I'M the author.

Sadie: Grr...

San: Okay, we'll make a deal. YOU go back in and continue the story, and stop talking to the authors, and I'll make a less--er, disgusting way out of this situation. Okay?

Sadie: Okay, I guess.

San: Now, where was I?

Sadie: *whimper*

"Really, this is just abusiv-eeeahhh!" the Faellie yelled, falling face-first into-- "OWW! What is this?"

"It feels like some kind of handle," noted Adio, touching the area where the Faellie had fallen.

"Ted says to pull on it," Milly told them.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," said Adio, rolling his eyes.

"Help me pull on this. I think it's stuck!" Sadie said.

The pets heaved together, and slowly pulled the handle up. A small light came from below them.

"It's some kind of hatch! Look, there's a ladder leading down!" Sadie yelled happily.

"Inside the Turmaculus?" Milly and Adio said together in confusion.

"Hey, don't complain! Would you rather go out the--"

"NO!" they shouted together again.

"Then come on, before she changes her mind!" Sadie commanded.

"Who's 'she'"? Adio asked. "Don't tell me you're hearing voices, too!"

"Just get down the ladder!" yelled the Faellie.

Soon, Sadie, Adio, Milly, and Ted were descending the ladder...

...Milly was the first to reach the ground and let out a gasp. The others echoed her gasp, as they entered what looked like the inside of a space shuttle.

"What the heck?" said Adio in surprise. "I can't believe that none of us knew the Turmaculus was actually a robot!"

The Petpets looked around in awe. The walls were metallic grey, and made of shiny steel. There were levers and buttons everywhere, but something seemed to stick out more than anything else.

"Look at that!" Sadie shouted, pointing to a window that clearly showed the outside world. The grass was green and the sun was shining. Beneath it was a set of levers and three red buttons.

"It must be a control panel!" Adio and Milly gasped together. "What if we can control the Turmaculus like some sort of vehicle?"

Ted flew out of Milly's hand and over to the control panel, hitting one of the red buttons.

"Milly!" Sadie yelled, "Why'd you do that?!?"

"It wasn't me! It was Ted!" she exclaimed. Adio just rolled his eyes.

There was a rumbling sound, and as all the Petpets looked out of the little circular window, they could see themselves rising. It seemed that the Turmaculus had stood up. There was another rumble, and the Petpets could feel themselves moving forwards.

"Ted, what have you done?" gasped Milly.

The three Petpets ran over to Ted, which was quite hard, considering that they had to keep their balance while the Turmaculus's heavy feet hit the ground. Looking down at the three buttons, it appeared as though one of the buttons that had been pressed down was stuck. Everyone gasped as they noticed that the red writing beneath the button read: "Rampage Mode"...

..."Okay, now THAT'S what I call a problem," Milly squeaked.

Adio stared at her. "A-ha! You were the one that began talking to 'Ted' in the first place!!! If you had just kept your big piehole shut, then none of this would've EVER happened!!! Your mommy must be REALLY proud!!!"

Sadie tried to calm them down. "If he's a robot he needs some sort of fuel, am I right? Whatever it is he's using, he should run out of it eventually..."

"Maybe he's on solar batteries?" Adio retorted. "If so, we're stuck here forever. When was the last time you saw a rain cloud in Meridell???"

In the meantime, the Turmaculus was moving on and on... massive, huge and practically unstoppable.

"Hey, check it out!" Milly shouted, looking out the window. "Isn't that the Guess the Weight of the Marrow competition?"

BOOM!!!

Sadie also looked out. "Um... you mean Guess the Weight of Some Marrow Slush competition?"

"At least 500 pounds, I bet," Adio added.

They heard another BOOM!!!

Sadie bit her lip. "Uh-oh... Illusen is not going to be very happy about it..."

Adio tried to get a better look out of the small window. "Say guys, what does it mean when an Earth Faerie is hopping up and down on her home's ruins, yelling something and transforming pure air into sparkling and smoking fume?"

"Technically it means that... can't that stupid robot move any faster?!!?" Sadie asked nervously.

There was a third BOOM...

Sadie looked out again. "Whoa!!" she shouted in surprise. "Was that... the citadel of Darigan?!!?"

"It was," Adio agreed.

Milly was close to a nervous breakdown. "If we don't stop the Turmaculus soon, he'll soon destroy the whole of Meridell... and then..."

"And then we'll probably drown, because he's heading straight towards the ocean," Adio remarked.

Milly gasped. "I don't wanna DIE!!!!! Somebody HELP US!!!!"

"A miracle would be nice right about now," Sadie sighed...

...Milly looked out and saw a farm passing by as the Turmaculus walked faster and faster.

Adio turned to Ted. "See what you've gotten us into? Now what are we supposed to do?!?"

Sadie was looking around the room for things that might help. She saw a book and ran over to it... on the cover was the title: Instruction Manual. She nearly screamed with joy."Look! I found the instruction manual!" she cried while holding it up for the others to see.

Milly ran over to Ted. "What's that? W-w... oooh... okay... uh-huh. Ted says, 'Good job!'" she declared, smiling as Adio and Sadie flipped through the pages quickly.

Adio muttered to himself about how he felt being congratulated by a rock.

Sadie then pointed and said, "Here... what to do on Rampage Mode!" She read for a few minutes while the Turmaculus stomped down a row of trees.

"Hurry!!" Adio shouted, as the blue line in the distance that was the ocean got bigger.

Sadie looked up at the others, horrified. "I've got some bad news, and I've got some good news," she replied, staring at the book like it was a Sludgy. "Which do you want first?"

Milly quickly consulted Ted, then replied at the same time as Adio.

"Good", Milly answered.

"Bad," Adio replied, scowling at Milly and Ted.

The two automatically started to argue; Adio mentioned how Ted and Milly had gotten them into this mess. He also said that they both had the brain capacity of a rock, only to stop and point out that, indeed, one of the parties he was talking about actually WAS a rock. On the other hand, Milly reminded them that at least they were away from the stomach fluids, and pronounced that she was proud to be as smart as Ted, because he was a genius.

Sadie decided to go with the good news first. Quieting Milly and Adio down, she forced a smile. "The good news is... there's a way out, by breaking that glass and pulling down the lever inside," she said, pointing across the room to a box that read "Emergency Lever" in small print.

"So what's the bad news?" Adio asked bluntly.

Sadie slowly continued, "The bad news is... in order for the door to stay open, someone needs to hold the lever down and, well... won't it be hard to hold down a lever and go through a door that's five feet away?" The others silently agreed and thought to themselves.

Finally Milly began to speak, but Sadie cut her off. "We know you're not leaving without Ted... besides, we have no string to tie him to the cord, anyway."

"That's not what I as going to say! I was going to say that..." she dramatically paused for a moment, as if she were confirming in her mind that this was a good idea, "I think we should leave Adio here, since he doesn't like Ted, and Ted is the one who saved us from being digested."

Adio stared with an open mouth, gaping at Milly and the rock she held in her hands. Then he lunged at it, screaming. Milly cried for help, holding Ted tightly as she ran away from Adio.

"Guys, guys... guys!!!" Sadie's voice got louder each time she beckoned them. "GUYS!!!!!"

Milly stopped; she was holding Ted in one hand, away from Adio. Adio had been in mid-jump, and subsequently hit the floor with a thud. Quickly fixing themselves, the two warring parties glared at each other. Briefly looking away, Milly asked Ted if he was okay, then turned to Sadie.

"We have to find a way to get out of this," Sadie told them quietly.

They all looked at each other silently...

...for what seemed like an eternity. The Turmuculus was getting closer and closer to the water. Milly started screaming, "We're gonna die! We're gonna die!"

Shaunh1: Aw, come on! You've got to be more worried than that... all capitals!

Milly: Since when did we get a new author?

Shaunh1: Since about five and a half sentences ago. That's how they always do it...

Milly: Who is "they"?

Shaunh1: I have no idea... anyhow, can we try it again?

Milly started yelling, "WE'RE GONNA DIE!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!"

Shaunh1: Better, better... okay folks, coffee break!

Milly, Ted, Adio And Sadie: Yuck!

Adio said to Sadie, "See if you can find out anything about what it runs on."

To which Sadie replied, "Land... duh!"

"I mean its power source!" Adio said.

"Oh," Sadie answered. "Here it says that it runs on..."

hasjkf hjaskdhfj dhfj dfaljdfh sdjfhs djhkjsda kjf hasjkf hjaskdhfj dhfj dfaljdfh sdjfhs djhkjsda kjf hasjkf hjaskdhfj dhfj dfaljdfh sdjfhs djhkjsda sdjfhs djhkjsda kjf hasjkf yc

(Sorry, technical dificulties... Ah, all fixed!)

"You mean to tell me this thing actually runs on raspberry Achyfi?" Adio asked.

"Of course," Milly replied, "didn't you know that four out of five rampaging monsters prefer the smooth, refreshing taste of raspberry achyfi over regular cola? Luckily for us, however, according to the light flashing under this gauge over here, the Turmaculus has almost run out..."

"But it's too late!" Adio shouted, looking out the window. "The coast is just up ahead..."

...Milly wailed. "I don't want to die!!! Besides, this is supposed to be a COMEDY!"

Smarty: But wouldn't it be funny if the three of you simply plunged into the bottom of the ocean?

Sadie, Adio, and Milly: NO!

Smarty: Oh, all right... I'll see what I can do.

Adio frowned. "Wait a minute... if he's a robot, shouldn't there be a steering wheel in here?"

Sadie looked as though Advent had come early. "A STEERING WHEEL!"

Milly put Ted up to her ear. "Ted says that's the only sensible thing you've said in this whole story."

Adio glared at her. "He does, does he?"

"A little help here, guys? GUYS?!" Sadie waved the Instruction Manual frantically. "Look for some way to turn him around!" Sadie flipped to the Index of the manual.

Adio peered over her shoulder. "Aha!" His eyes whizzed over the book as his delighted expression turned more and more aggravated. "What does standing on one foot while singing a song about cheesy nachos have to do with turning around?"

Milly turned to Ted. "Ted thinks it's a good idea," she informed the room.

"Of course Ted thinks it's a good idea!" yelled Adio, lunging at Milly.

Sadie paid no attention to the other two. "I like cheese, er... on nachos with--"

"How about salsa?" asked Milly, dodging Adio.

Sadie sighed. "All right, you two--"

"THREE!" yelled Milly.

"Ok, ok. You three calm down. We're never gonna get out of here unless we figure out some plan..."

"I've got it!" yelled Adio. The others turned to stare at him incredulously. "We can use Ted!"

Milly glared at him. "We're not leaving Ted behind!"

Sadie looked from Adio to Milly, then said, "Wait a sec, we CAN use Ted!" When the others looked at her, she continued. "Why don't we use Ted to break into the fuel source for the Turmaculus, then drain it all?!?"

"Erm... I'll tell you why not." Adio said. "We're already at the ocean!" Sadie and Milly ran to the window.

"Oh no!" shrieked Milly. She slipped on a stream of raspberry that had begun to trickle out from a crack under the control panel. Ted flew from her hand (once again) and knocked into a joystick on the control panel.

"Hey, what's going on?" asked Sadie, as the Turmaculus...

...stopped dead, one leg suspended over the ocean.

The trio sighed with relief. "That was lucky..." Adio replied.

Slowly, the Turmaculus started to tip forward, toward the ocean.

"W-what's going on!?" asked Sadie.

Milly put her ear to Ted. "Ted says we're tipping over!"

Adio shot a glare at her. "It was a rhetorical question, Milly! We all know what's going on!"

"Everyone to the back of the room!" Sadie ordered.

The three of them raced to the end of the room, slamming into the back wall as hard as they could. The Turmaculus rocked back on its foot, resuming its state of suspension. Once again the three heaved a sigh of relief.

Sadie, turning to Adio said, "No, THAT was lucky."

"Now what do we do?" asked Adio.

Milly put her ear to Ted once more. "Ted is open to any suggestions."

Adio replied, "Typical, the geometric genius doesn't have any REAL answers when we need them."

Milly tackled the Apis, and a brawl broke out between the two. Milly enlisted Ted's help a few times over Adio's head. Sadie rubbed her head and muttered something under her breath about when they were going to get out of there. Something to the effect of a cold day in a hot place was mentioned.

The fighting pair took their battle toward the front of the control room. The Turmaculus began to tip forward again. Adio and Milly immediately stopped fighting and raced to the back of the room. Once more, the Turmaculus rocked back into place.

"Now," said Sadie to the panting Petpets, "if you two are quite done, let's think of a way out of this."

"Then lets analyze our situation." said Adio, "We must stay at the back of the room, to keep the Turmaculus from tipping into the ocean. The only visible exit is to pull and hold down that lever over there, unlocking the door that is five feet away from it... both of which are in the central region of the room."

"So," Sadie continued, "we need someone to stay here and balance out Turmaculus. Then we need someone else to stay and hold down the lever."

"Therefore," Milly concluded, "only two of us can make it out of here..."

They all sat there, stunned with the realization that not all of them would be leaving.

Adio lifted his head, "Alright, timeout for a sec... who exactly is writing this?"

Akuholy: What do you want? And keep it short, I have a story to write.

Adio said, "I thought this was a comedy, why is there a serious scene in here all of a sudden?"

Akuholy: They told me you would cause trouble...

"You aren't going to make two of us die, are you?" Sadie inquired hastily.

Akuholy: *sigh* I guess not... alright, I'll get you all out somehow, just give me a few.

Sadie looked at her depressed friends. "So, anyone feel like being a hero?"

"I volunteer Milly and Ted!" Adio exclaimed.

At that, Milly hurled Ted at Adio. "GET 'IM TED!"

Adio quickly ducked out of the way as Ted whizzed by. The rock clanged against the back wall, and the Turmaculus shook. Then he started to tip over again... this time, backward. Everyone froze, not knowing if this was a desirable outcome or not.

The Turmaculus hit the ground with a giant thud.

The trio collected themselves and looked at one another.

"We're not drowning." said Sadie.

"WE'RE ALIVE!" exclaimed Milly, hugging Adio out of sheer joy.

"Nuts." replied Adio, trying to push her off.

Sadie ran over and pulled down the emergency lever. The door swung open, revealing the light and sunshine of the outside.

"Freedom!" everyone shouted.

"Wait," said Milly, holding Ted to her ear, "Ted says we still need someone to stay behind and hold down the lever."

Adio strode over to Milly and snatched Ted out of her hands.

"Ted! Give him back, Adio!" cried Milly, chasing after him.

Adio approached the open door and rammed Ted into its base, lodging it open. "Let go of the lever, Sadie." he said.

Sadie released the lever. The door remained ajar.

"I'll give this to Ted, he makes a swell door stop." said Adio, grinning.

"Say," replied Sadie, "that was pretty smart."

"Yeah, even for you, Adio." added Milly.

The three ran out of the door and onto the sand of the beach, Milly snatched up Ted as they left.

"Finally, thank goodness that ordeal is over." said Sadie.

"Hey, how are we going to get home. Our owners are probably worried sick about us." said Milly.

"Don't freak out about it," Adio reassured her, "Getting home won't be too terribly hard. All we have to do is follow the trail of destruction!"

Happy to be alive, the three, er... four Petpets started back towards Meridell.

The End